The Answer is in the Wait

I may have mentioned before that waiting is not one of my fav things to do.

When there is something to be done, I like to "do" and waiting means not doing something...

or does it?

Over a year ago we started the process to legally change Maggie and Lucy's dates of birth.

We expected it to take a few months but were not prepared for what happened next.

Over the course of months and with the help of our wonderful lawyer, we submitted our request, along with bone scans, to our state's Department of Health and Environmental Control and we waited and in that wait we fought other battles for our girls, concentrated on doctor/therapy appointments and celebrated birthdays...

only we celebrated new birthdays...

 the birthdays that Maggie and Lucy had hand picked for themselves cause having to have this conversation with them was hard...

the conversation in which you ask them once again how old they think they are and you watch as they just look at you helplessly, unknowing...

the conversation in which you tell them that you are trying very hard to figure this out for them so they can finally answer the question that seems to get asked constantly...

"How old are you?"

So, we allowed them to pick their birthdays and my two little water babies decided that it would be oh so "cool" to have summer birthdays so that they could have summer parties, complete with swimming and ice cream!

Now, of course, DHEC had no idea that these two beautiful little girls...

these precious ones who had already suffered great loss and tragedy...

these joy-filled daughters of mine who could not even tell us how old they were or when their birthdays were...

wanted summer parties.

They did not understand how vitally important it was that the girls needed to be younger than their Chinese files made them.

They did not know and honestly, they did not ask to know.

They had a job to do and it did not include hearing this Mom's impassioned plea and after more waiting... 

they rejected our request.

So we regrouped and asked the girls' doctor to write a letter supporting the age change, which she did but not for the dates that the girls wanted, the ages that we felt were appropriate, but the ages that were supported from the bone scans that had been done.

It was a compromise, making the girls a little older than we felt they needed to be but we needed that letter...

so we compromised.

Once again, we submitted our request but this time it was accompanied by the doctor's letter as well as letters from their awesome therapists and once again, we waited...

and once again... 

our request was denied.

We were told to take it to court and allow a judge to decide.

This was not the answer we wanted, the answer that we had been praying for, the answer that we had been waiting on but we knew the Lord was with us and while there were moments of believing the doubts...

we felt His hand on this, gently but firmly guiding us to court.

I was nervous.

I was the "star witness" and while I was so ready for the wait to be over, ready to fight once again for my girls, ready to do something...

I was nervous.

I rounded up my prayer warriors and was determined to trust Him regardless of the outcome...

but I was still nervous...

and last week the Lord put us before a judge...

a judge that He had hand picked for us, only we were not to know that until later.

We arrived at the courthouse bright and early, ready for battle.  We were armed with letters from doctors and therapists as well as report cards and pictures.

We were ready, nervous but ready and then...

then we found out that out of the 4 judges present that day, we had been assigned the one judge that our lawyer did not want us to have.

This judge was said to be a stickler and sometimes cantankerous and again...

I was nervous and my heart sank a little but my prayers were raised.

As we entered the courtroom, we could see that the judge already had some of our papers in front of him.

We sat and prepared our hearts and almost as soon as our lawyer started to speak, to plead our case, the judge stopped, looked at Hubby and myself and then asked these 2 wonderful questions...

"Well, what birthdays do the girls want?  What dates have you been celebrating?"

At that moment, I knew that the Lord was right there with us and that He had been with us all along, guiding and directing to get us to this moment in front of this judge!

Through my tears I told him that the girls really did not know how old they were and that when we tried to explain all of this to them, we hoped to make it easier for them by allowing them to pick their birthdays.

I told him that the girls really wanted summer birthdays so they could have pool parties and ice cream...

and without hesitation that sweet, "cantankerous" judge said...

"Well then they should have summer birthdays and they should have pool parties!"

This judge who was known to be a "stickler", disregarded DHEC's rejection and disregarded the doctor's dates of birth to give my girls the birth dates that they wanted and by that point, the point at which Hubby and I truly grasped what had just happened...

we were in awe and we were in tears...

tears of joy, tears of relief, tears of gratitude to the One who had, right in front of our eyes, worked all of this out for our girls and at the same time, reaffirmed for us that we were right where He wanted us in this.

So with a shaky voice, I told the Judge the birthdays that the girls and we had chosen.

It did not matter to him that these dates would make them a few months younger than the doctor's letter supported, this sweet, cantankerous judge's heart was moved but it didn't end there.

After the papers were signed and made official, this judge told us a story...

a story about a sweet little girl whom he had known many years ago...

a little girl who had been adopted from China by a colleague of his...

a bright, beautiful little girl who would draw him pictures...

and then charge him .25 for each one...

*grin*

a little girl who had touched his heart so profoundly that he actually broke down in tears as he shared his heart with us...

a little girl who paved the way for the Lord to work through this judge's heart for our beautiful little girls.

So, I happily relinquished my "star witness" status to the One who shone so brightly in that courtroom that day...

the One who showed up, not to show off but to show us that we are not alone in our battles.

His timing and His plan are always perfect and while we may never know all the reasons why we had to wait as long as we did and why we had to be in front of that judge on that day...

I am learning.

I am learning that I don't always need to know and that greater things are happening, decisions and re-directions as well as times of stillness that fit seamlessly into His perfect puzzle...

that my momentary concerns should be kept just that...

in the fleeting moment...

until, eventually, from the moment of conception, they are released from my heart, bypass my head and are lifted straight up to Him.

The feeling we had on this day, this feeling of euphoria, of giddiness in His goodness, of total trust and affirmation that the Lord was right there with us and had been all along...

this feeling is how we should walk through this life.

We should want to lock it away in our hearts so that the broken-ness of this world is used to stir our hearts, not wear them down.

But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.  They will soar high on wings like eagles.  They will run and not grow weary.  They will walk and not faint.  Isaiah 40:31

Sometimes the answer is in the wait, in the trust that builds within the wait, and after this particular wait...

we now have two very happy little girls who can finally answer with confidence and security, the endlessly asked question...

"How old are you?"

Happy Pink Birthday!

So apparently my birthday gift this year was a...

hurricane!

Yes, Hurricane Joaquin decided to crash my party...

well if we had actually planned a party that is, cause it is Fall soccer season and if it is a Saturday...

we are at soccer and this Saturday was no different...

we had soccer, lots of soccer...

cause they did not ask me if it was OK to schedule games on my birthday!

The nerve!

*grin*

So, we had already planned to spend the day, 2 hours away at 3 different soccer games.

Happy birthday to me!

However, Joaquin had other plans and thought that I needed to stay home that day...

so instead of doing this with the kids...

I was doing this with the Pioneer Woman...

complete with this...

from Hubby and the girls...

yum

After my wet but yummy, non soccer, morning, my eldest informed me that he and his girlfriend were going shopping...

in the middle of the monsoon...

on my birthday!

The nerve!

*grin*

I have to admit, I fussed a little and was to later regret it.

You see, he was going shopping with his girlfriend, in the monsoon, on my birthday...

for me!

My sweet child had seen the condition of my running shoes (not good) and decided that I needed a brand new pair.

So, with the help of his sweet girlfriend, my wonderful Christian went out and bought me just that...

a brand new pair of pink running shoes!

Love that kiddo!

So now, I can do this with the Pioneer Woman...

OOPS...

I mean this...

which is needed after this...

and this...

and this...

which is the direct result of this...

*grin*

So while we ended up with a 5 day weekend from my birthday present the storm, I am very thankful that we are safe and relatively dry, except for those of us who chose to be wet!

Boys!

Please, however, pray for those who were not so fortunate as there were many.

I have been reading stories of such loss, just 2 hours up the road from us - just 2 hours...

I was here for Hurricane Hugo and I understand the shock and sense of loss they are feeling right now.

We are helping out locally but there are a few larger agencies helping as well.

If you feel so led and would like to donate, here are 2 of those agencies.

Samaritan's Purse

and

Red Cross Disaster Relief

So 52 has been relatively uneventful.

*except for that whole hurricane thing*

*wink*

What has come from my 52 years on this earth is a knowing that the Lord is where true happiness lies...

not pretty little packages or the latest procedure to help you look less 52ish...

divine happiness comes from a love and a peace that can be difficult to adequately explain to those who continually look to the world to find their way.

It has taken almost all of my 52 years to understand this...

it has taken struggle and trials and trust to truly understand this and I still have a ways to go but I am closer today than I was yesterday and I will be closer still tomorrow.

So while I have gotten used to the AARP offers...

*kind of - grin*

and the Retirement Planning letters...

*phffft - good luck there*

I have to admit that I am still so not OK with the fact that my boys can now outrun me!

Maybe, just maybe, the power of the pink will prevail...

or maybe they will just let me win!

After all, it was my birthday!!!

Faith of a Child

So the girls came home last week and told me that some boys on the bus had been teasing them.

Lucy explained that these boys would call their names constantly and for no reason.

So, of course, I began to give them all the wise counsel that a well enlightened parent would give...

cause I just know it all, right???

Well, in the midst of my highly enlightened, well informed dissertation on how to handle such situations, my dear little Lucy looked up at me and said...

"Mom, we just prayed about it"

and said, “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 18:3

The faith of a child!

Here I was trying to give Motherly advise...

stale "Parent's Magazine" advise... 

when I should have been giving Godly advise.  

Not to worry though cause, apparently, my girls have got it covered!

These two precious ones, who have more reason than I to question, to ask "why", to doubt or to turn away...

just trust

just expect

just believe...

that HE has got it covered!

Lord, give me the faith of a little child!

Help me to just trust, to just expect and to just believe...

The Beginning and the End

Isn't it funny how some times in our lives can be beautiful beginnings and at the same time...

bittersweet endings.

It actually happens all throughout your life, this convergence of beginning and end...

from the time you are born until the time that your ending becomes your beautiful, everlasting beginning.

These are the transitions in life, the moments that we come to expect as we move from endings to beginnings, most of the time with excitement and expectation...

unless... 

your very beginning was an ending...

if you start your life with an ending, it is very hard to look beyond any other ending to the excitement of a new beginning...

even if the ending you started your life with has now become your new beginning. 

To a child who lost everything at the start, it is hard to look at endings as anything but tragic and hard and scary and sad.

This is our Lucy's reality.  She waited a long time for her new beginning and she does not want it to change in any way, so the expected, anticipated transitions in life are hard for her.

She has a family now...

a family complete with a mommy and a daddy and siblings and she likes it that way...

even when her brothers are teasing her relentlessly...

she likes it that way...

and this morning, while we were celebrating another transition, Lucy was grieving another loss.

This morning as we celebrated Christian's very first college letter of acceptance...

as I hugged him and told him how proud I was of him...

I happen to look over at Lucy, who was not celebrating at all, who was in fact, in tears and I knew...

I knew that she was grieving another loss.

We had talked about it before and each time, as the other kiddos (jokingly - kind of - grin) vied over who would get Christian's room when he left for college...

Lucy could not see past the fact that her brother would eventually be leaving...

and she did not like it.

Even the prospect of his leaving touched a piece of her heart that has not yet healed...

that may never fully heal...

and that thought touches the very same piece of my heart that told me she was my daughter, told me that we had to do something, that she had to come home...

that piece of my heart that was left in China the day we brought our Lizzie home...

that piece of my heart that will also, never fully heal.

So while I celebrated for and hugged my oldest, I comforted and hugged my youngest and was once again reminded of the enormity of His trust in us!

I know how much we trust Him but when I stop and think about what He has entrusted to us...

my spirit is eased as the only possible way we could navigate through the hurt and the healing is with Him right by our sides.

It is what gets me through each day and what will eventually get Lucy through...

maybe not ever to a place of complete healing but definitely to a place of peace and of purpose as I am learning that many times, it is through the hurt that our purposes are found.

My dear Christian, while I share some of Lucy's sadness over this particular life transition, I also celebrate you and am so proud of the hard work that got you to this place in your life.

You are an amazing young man and I am excited for you to begin this next phase of your life.

Just remember...

the dorm rooms at the Ham Fam house are FREE, there are no coin operated washing machines and you don't even need a meal ticket!!!

Just saying!

Re-Entry

I was so honored to have been asked to guest post over at No Hands But Ours.  I was asked to write about coming home after adoption and have posted it below.  Praying it will educate and encourage!

Re-entry

Launching a spacecraft into space is one thing. B­ringing it back is another. Spacecraft re-entry is tricky business for several reasons. When an object enters the Earth's atmosphere, it experiences a few forces, including gravity and drag. Gravity will naturally pull an object back to earth. But gravity alone would cause the object to fall dangerously fast. Luckily, the Earth's atmosphere contains particles of air. As the object falls, it hits and rubs against these particles, creating friction. This friction causes the object to experience drag, or air resistance, which slows the object down to a safer entry speed - (from How Stuff Works) 

Photo from NASA

"Launching a spacecraft into space is one thing. Bringing it back is another."

Oddly enough, the same could be said for the adoption process.

Months and months are spent on paper work, more paper work, learning, connecting, preparing and planning.

"Launching" into the adoption process, the planning and the preparation is (as a space launch) one thing but coming home...

that is another!

Yes, you hear the stories (the good, the bad and the ugly) as it is all a part of the preparation.

You hear about the jet lag, the melt downs, the sleep issues, the neediness, the jealousy, the attachment difficulties - theirs and your own.

Yes, you hear all of this, but...

hearing it, learning it and processing it is very different than living it out. 

Re- entry is hard.

The fight for a new normal begins and the longing for the old normal creeps in as you struggle with the yearning to fast forward a few months or even years in order to skip the whole "re-entry" business.

Problem is, just as gravity threatens to pull a space craft back to earth dangerously fast...

trying to recreate the old normal or even push the new normal too quickly can cause problems.

The process of attachment and bonding is slow and takes time and just as friction caused by air particles slows a space craft to a safer re-entry speed, the "friction" caused from the melt downs, the sleep issues, the neediness, the jealousy and the attachment issues, actually provides a safer re-entry speed for a newly created family who just needs time.

Crazy... I know!

Understanding this deep within yourself will make those days of re-entry less about the search for normal (old or new) and more about the beauty of God's redeeming grace and healing.

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3

This is the time, this time of re-entry, to sit back and watch as the Lord binds wounds...

your newest little one's wounds as well as your own.

Cause, honestly, most of us have wounds and I have found that He works through each one of my kiddos to help bind mine. 

Allowing the Lord to work through the craziness of the first few weeks home, allows you to pour into this new, precious child...

even at 3:00 a.m.

The Lord equips those He calls...

even at 3:00 a.m.

Know that you will need to slow down for a while, accept help when you can and give yourself a break.

Meeting extended family will come, school will come, non urgent doctor appointments will come, play dates will come, the love will come...

the new normal will come...

but not before the expectations fall away...

the expectations of this world that tell us what “normal” is...

the expectations of a fallen world that presumes that a child who has known great loss and many times, great suffering, will walk effortlessly into the role of brother or sister or son or daughter...

the expectations of a world that values easy, safe and predictable...

the expectations of a world that presumes the hard part is over (should be over) when that plane lands and you can get back to life as usual.

It is in these early weeks that families can begin to feel discouraged, tired, scared and isolated.

The “what have we done” thought is so much more common than you think.

Trust me!

What you have done is step out in faith and love like Jesus does, loving through all the hard, all the discouragement, all the tired, all the scared and all the isolation, but it is a season and some family's seasons will be longer than others. This is just another unknown, another question that is not answerable... 

until you are living it...

and the enemy will use this season to plant fear and doubt. He just does not like it when these children come home.

Going back to our spaceship analogy:

NASA: NEVER ALLOW SATAN ACCESS 

Stay home.

Take time to get to know each other. 

Ask for and accept offers of help – meal trains are awesome! 

Don't feel guilty.

Don't allow your feelings to condemn you.

Reach out to your agency and other, supportive, adoptive families. 

Prepare to be unprepared and surprised.

Pray and trust that the Lord will equip you for the beautiful journey ahead...

Cause it is beautiful y'all.

The blessings that flow from the “hard” are those heavenly glimpses that often times go unrecognized in a world that values having good stuff over doing good works.

Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20 But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. Matthew 6:19-20

Finally, the one way that our spaceship analogy differs is that when a spacecraft returns to earth, it's journey is done. The mission is complete.

In adoption, re-entry is just the beginning and while the mission is never really done...

the journey is an amazing one.

From Grumble to Humbled

Why do I grumble?

Why do I complain or groan or bellyache about anything?

As I watch my sweet girlies and their daily struggles...

I am humbled and reminded of all the reasons why I should keep my grumbling mouth shut!

All three of our beautiful daughters from China have had their fair share of challenges and there are days when I am ashamed of the things that I think are worthy to complain about.

Walking for my precious Lucy is hard...

as determined as she is to get those sweet little legs of hers to move the way she wants them to...

it is just hard...

and I watch her struggle.

 I watch the effort it takes for Lucy to just stand up straight and take a step forward.

 I watch the effort it takes for our sweet Maggie to just - utter - a - word...

or to keep her body still...

even long enough to hold a smile for a picture...

and I am reminded of the ease in which I move, the ease in which I speak, the ease in which  I do anything...

and I am refined just a little bit more...

I am molded and shaped and tweaked into an image just a tad more Christ like and a little less "world like"...

and while the "world" may look on and wonder "why"...

why would we choose to take this on...

and while we sometimes look within and wonder "why"...

why did we choose to take this on...

I am drawn back to the place of peace...

that place of understanding that only comes from trusting the path that HE chose for us.

I can look back now and recognize all the blessings that we would have missed had we not acknowledged the burden that had been placed on our hearts.

I can tuck those blessings away for the hard times yet to come...

cause they will come.

My girls live in "hard" everyday, but...

they no longer have to live it alone...

"God sets the lonely in families"

and that is the answer to the "why".

Have you asked yourself what burden the Lord might be placing on your heart, the blessings you might be missing?

When I see these faces...

even when it is hard...

and especially when it's not - grin...

I am so very glad we asked...

and answered.

Only Three More Years...

until he is in my decade again!

Although he would prefer to remain in the 80's...

the 1980's that is!

*grin*

Happy Birthday to one amazing man!

I cannot take you back in time...

although I hear T*p Gun 2 is in the works...

booya

I no longer have big hair and shoulder pads...

(nope, no picture, no way, no how)

and you no longer have long hair...

thank goodness...

cause I do not have time to make 5 pony tails before school each morning!

just sayin...

No, I will not cannot recreate the 80's, but I can tell you that when we are in our 80's...

I will love you just as much as I do today!

Happy Happy Birthday to my Maverick!