Never Give Up

Every now and again, we need reminders.

Not the typical, to do list, sticky note kind of reminder but the kind of heart reminders that help us to keep the world in perspective...

the kind of heart reminders that help us to complain less and serve more.

Well, yesterday, the Lord placed His own sticky note on my heart.

It read...

Yesterday, the Lord used an ordinary field trip, an ordinary playground to remind my heart of the struggles that Lucy faces every single day.

The barriers to being a “normal” kid are very real for Lucy, a part of her day to day.

These everyday challenges are a part of her reality and while I share in that reality and as much as I try to help with the barriers and as many times as I have kissed the boo boos that result from the struggles... it is still her reality, not mine.

I don't have to think about putting my hands out to brace my fall. Heck, I don't even have to think about falling at all. It is not a part of my everyday!

I don't have to think about making my hands and fingers work the way I want them to just so I can put on my socks and shoes.

I don't have to think about every single step that I take or how my foot is positioned on the ground or whether I am picking up my knees or dragging my foot.

I just walk.

Lucy doesn't “just walk”...

Lucy has to think about every single step and every single step is an effort, a true step out in faith as she trusts that the Lord will strengthen her as she relies on His gift of determination and His protection, when, not if, she falls.

This is her reality and there are times, like this field trip, that her reality seems so very different from the reality that most of her peers share and that is hard on this Momma's heart y'all.

But God is good and He equipped our girl with a spirit of determination.

Lucy may have to work 10 times harder than her peers to do certain things but it just makes me 10 times prouder when I watch her rise to the challenge. Sometimes she overcomes and sometimes not but she “never gives up”!

So whether it's a field trip to a park or a soccer game everyday at recess...

with all the boys...

scoring goals...

Lucy's reality doesn't stand a chance!

Amen!

Happy Belated Birthday Sweet Em

I remember the day she was born...

that day 10 years ago when the nurse handed her to me and the first thing I did was to check for boy parts or lack thereof...

hey, after 3 boys...

well you understand!

*grin*

The path to Emmeline was really the prelude of the unfolding of the Lord's plan for our lives.

Jesus didn't just "take the wheel"...

He snatched it from our controlled induced grip and threatened to pull over if we did not stop acting like, well, misguided control freaks...

and while the process had begun...

we were slow to relinquish our presumed control.  

However, as we watched Him work to bring our Lizzie home and as we watched His shaping of Emmeline's heart during this process, we began to behave less and less like back seat drivers and more and more like passengers who trusted the severe right turn their driver had taken, even learning to enjoy the bumps in the road along the way.

Now, I tell everyone that our faith journey got kicked into high gear with the process to bring Lizzie home and while that is true...

sweet Emmeline's easy, spirit filled transition from little sis to big, from only girl to virtual twin, only helped to enhance what the Lord was doing in Hubby's heart and mine.

Em's 2 year old world was turned upside down when Lizzie came home and then again with the addition of Maggie and Lucy, but she (mostly) handled it all with such a grace filled heart that it was truly convicting at times.

truly...

My precious Em, you love sweetly...

laugh freely...

nurture tenderly...

and worship faithfully.

You are beautiful from the inside out and I just cannot believe that my baby girl who was such a sweet surprise after my 3 rambunctious boys...

is now 10 years old and wearing my shoes!

Sigh...

Happy double digits my dear and remember that if you can wear my shoes...

*grin*

We love you sweet one.

As His plan for your heart takes shape, I continue to be transformed into something better than before you.

Breath Taking...

There are some things in life that just take your breath away...

good or bad, they just do.

It is that unexpected moment in time that takes you by surprise.

Well, this morning on the way to school, Lucy took my breath away and my heart has yet to recover.

To be quite honest, I don't want it to recover as I need to remember.

In those times that try me, those times that challenge me to muster up every single ounce of patience...

I need to remember.

I need to remember for her sake...

I need to remember for Lizzie's sake...

I need to remember for Maggie's sake...

and I need to remember for all of those precious ones out there in this fallen world who simply want to be remembered.

This morning, Lucy told me that she wanted to be a baby...

not a typical 7 year old statement...

so I asked Lucy why and it was her answer that took my breath away.

My precious, wonderful Lucy said that she wanted to be able to start over...

then she could be a baby in this family, our family...

Oh my darling Lucy, how I grieve those years for you and for your sisters...

how I yearn to have been able to hold you when you cried, fed you when you were hungry, comforted you when you were sad, celebrated your first steps, heard your first words, seen your first smile, came to you when you were alone and afraid and loved you from day one...

oh - my - heart

My darling Lucy, I can't get back those years but I can hold you now, feed you now, comfort you now, celebrate every single step with you now, listen to you now, smile back at you now, come to you now and love you now.

 I can remember now and for always and I can try to make a difference for you and for your sisters and for all those precious ones who wait to be held and fed and comforted and celebrated and heard and smiled at and loved...

Lucy went on to school with a smile on her face as that is just Lucy and this is Lucy's reality now, but it wasn't always and Lucy remembers and those memories always take my breath away...

but the Lord heals and the Lord brings beauty from ashes and the Lord works through and uses our brokenness for His good and His glory and I know that the Lord is using Lucy greatly as I see the transformation of her heart and the compassion that He so gently protected in those years before she knew love.

I have no doubt that Lucy, Lizzie and Maggie will continue to take my breath away and it will be within those breath taking moments that He will continue to enter into and to heal and to use.

Precious Lucy, I may not have known you as a baby but the Lord did and He chose you and He chose us for you and that...

takes my breath away!

They're Multiplying!

As hard as we try, we cannot stop the invasion...

of teenagers, that is!

Yes, we officially have another teenager in da house...

and I am having a tougher time with this one cause this wasn't supposed to happen!

My youngest son and I had a deal but apparently he has decided that growing up holds more appeal than not...

even with the promise of french fries for dinner every night!

Hey a Mom's gotta do what I Mom's gotta do...

but alas, sweet Caleb has determined that raging hormones, acne, geometry, growing pains, girls (nooooo....), peer pressure and responsibility are better than french fries for life!

Go figure!

*grin*

So my sweet Caleb went right ahead and turned thir(gulp)teen last week and while there have been brief glimpses of "teen", he is still (so far) my sweet, funny, sensitive Caleb who holds my hand, gives me unsolicited hugs and likes to make me laugh!

Oh dear Caleb...

you are amazingly responsible with your sisters...

amazingly tolerant of your brothers...

hehe

and wise beyond your brothers years.

*wink*

You are my baby boy and while I joke (kind of) about my desire to keep you forever young...

I am so excited to watch the Lord's plan for you unfold.

Whether you are an architect, an actor or a comedian, I know the Lord will use you greatly.

Happy thir(gulp)teenth birthday my sensitive, insightful, funny, awesome Caleb!

We love you!

Waiting...

I find myself in this waiting room...

waiting.

My sweet Mom is having surgery today and I would be no where else than here...

waiting.

I don't wait much at this time in my life. Between the demands of 7 kids, 3 dogs, 2 crazy cats, constant medical appointments, school, soccer, work and one equally as busy Hubby...

there is no time for waiting...

so this time of waiting is strange and I find my heart wandering.

I find my heart turning to those sweet life moments that filled my growing up.

My childhood was not perfect but it was not supposed to be as this world is not a perfect place.

However, slightly imperfect in this fallen world is mostly good and my childhood was wrapped in love and in security. We were treasured and taken care of. We knew that we had a home, a family and a future.

I remember, even as a very young child, understanding that this was something to be valued, something that not everyone had and this reality was something that I could not wrap my heart around. Looking back, I can see the molding and the shaping and the process. Now, I can understand my inability to turn off the heart heavy emotions. I can understand my desire for the world to be a gentler place and my disappointment when it was not but back then, it was confusing and isolating for me. Back then, I felt different, now I just feel motivated.

So as I sit here and wait, I am waiting with the heart of a beloved daughter who knows love and has known love.

I am also sitting here waiting with the heart of a broken mother who knows redemption, who knows transformation, who has witnessed healing and beauty from ashes.

I wait for my Mother as my heart turns to all those precious ones who wait for theirs. I have been loved by my Mother for almost 53 years now and I am loving my children just as it was modeled for me. Our home is filled with love and hugs and kisses and laughter and my heart just cannot let go of those beautiful ones who will never call anyone, “mom or dad”, those who will never know the joy of riding on Daddy's shoulders or the security of being wrapped in Mommie's arms.

As I wait for my Mother, I think about how long and how patiently the Lord waited on me and I feel worthy, worthy of being pursued, worthy of being waited on and worthy of being loved! I understand how much I am loved in this life and the life to come and I want that for all those who don't have that, for all those who have never had that and for all those who are in danger of never having that...

and y'all, there are so, so many...

the statistics are heartbreaking but beyond the stats...

what I have seen with my own eyes...

heard from my own daughters' lips...

experienced through their own past traumas...

has brought this heartbreaking reality to life for me. This real, raw, tangible reality, hugs me close, not wanting to ever let go.

No longer do I wonder why my heart is burdened as that unknown pull on my heart...

now calls me, “Mom”...

as these three beautiful, once waiting orphans...

are now my three beautiful, beloved daughters, who wave goodbye to me as they go to school, who asked to be tucked in and kissed goodnight, who write me sweet notes and ask me to kiss their boo boos. They share their lives with me, their hopes and their dreams and yes, sometimes their past and again, my thoughts turn to those who are still waiting.

I am waiting on my Mom to be taken to recovery...

they are waiting just to have a Mom.

I think back on all the beautiful, loving memories I have with my Mom...

while they wait to, one day, have those kind of memories to hold close and grow from...

I think of the days to come, when I will have the privilege of taking care of my Mom and I can't help but think of those who long to have that kind of connection, that kind of chance to express all the love that is protected within their precious hearts.

Lord, I pray that one day, every child who feels unworthy, will know you and feel worthy.

I pray that every child who feels forgotten, will know you and feel pursued.

I pray that every child who feels unloved, will know you and feel love...

and I pray that every child who waits, will wait no more.

So I am waiting...

but my wait is filled with love and with hope...

too many children wait without love and without hope and sadly, for so many, their wait never ends.

I pray that more and more families, more and more churches, will rise up for these children. We must step outside of our comfortable and into their hard. We weren't promised easy but we were promised heaven and I can tell you that it is through the hard that we have glimpsed heaven.

We are His hands and feet and He is calling us to them, whether or not it is adoption or adoption support or sponsorship or caring for those who will never be adopted or or or...

There are over 100 million orphans in the world, but...

there are 2.2 billion Christians!

Be their voice, be their hope, be their future, be their family...

ask me how

Farm Family Reunion 2016

Next to E. Beach, this is my most fav spot on earth.

It holds lots of memories for my family and me.

It is a place to relax...

to play...

to reconnect...

to unplug...

and to make more memories!

It is a place of firsts...

and seconds...

and thirds...

*aw shucks - hehe*

We don't get there as often as we would like to but Saturday was one of those very special days when it just all seemed to come together and even though it is February...

the weather was PERFECT...

the farm was beautiful, thanks to my amazing brother and his awesome family...

and the time spent was reminiscent of many other times past...

just minus a few beloved ones.

Thank you Lord for such a beautiful day...

for such a beautiful time of remembering and of new memory making.