It's Not Fair...

This is a phrase that we typically counter with...

life's not fair...

My Dad would say that to me as a child and I swore I would never say it to my children.

I have since learned that life, indeed, is not always fair and...

never say never!

*grin*

Yep, sometimes life is hard and not everyone gets a trophy...

but this kind of "not fair"...

my precious daughter's kind of "not fair"...

the kind of "not fair" that left me breathless and without answers was exactly where I found myself the other day...

I think she would have been incredibly athletic.  

I think she would have been incredibly competitive.

I think she would have even given her brothers a run for their money...

but her body doesn't do what she so desperately wants it to.

Her body can't move and jump and run likes she so desperately wants it to.

Her body doesn't have the strength or the balance or the muscle tone to compete on a soccer field or dance like a ballerina or run in a race...

and it's just not fair!

As she looked up into my face, with tears streaming down hers...

those were the words that she used...

"It's not fair, Momma."

"I don't want to have cerebral palsy.  I want to run.  I want to play soccer.  I don't want to have to use my crutches.  No one else in my class has to use crutches."

"It's not fair!"

We were in the middle of another physical therapy session and her words left me adrift, searching for answers for her, wisdom that transcends the "trophy-less", "life's not fair" answer.

I reassured her that we would do all that we could to help get her stronger, to help her balance and her muscle tone...

but that wasn't the answer.

The answer came later, but not from me.

Once again, the Lord blessed this hard by answering both Lucy's heart and mine!

As I tucked her in, said prayers and kissed her goodnight, this is what my Lucy asked,..

 "So in heaven, I will be able to run and play soccer and when I fall, it won't hurt? Mom, if God can heal me in heaven, why can't He heal me now?" 

Again, her words tore my heart but the Lord was good and kind and gave me what she needed to hear...

"Oh my darling one, the Lord can heal you now but He may be using your amazing spirit of determination to heal others, to help others and to inspire others."

I wanted God to "fix" her but I know that she really doesn't need "fixing". She is perfect just the way she is and God is using her, just the way she is and we love her, just the way she is...

and one day, in her own way, she just might be an incredible athlete...

she just might kick a ball out on a soccer field...

she just might run in a race...  and win!

But I am also recognizing that the Lord uses whatever our, "life's not fair" is to give hope, to inspire, to encourage and to heal.

We all have them because life is truly, not fair.

To some degree or another sin has touched all of our lives and sin is never fair...

but the Lord is teaching me and through my precious daughters, He has shown me that He can take the unfairness of this fallen world and use it for good.  He can take our brokenness and turn into something amazingly beautiful.

Can the Lord heal Lucy's body on this earth- yes!

Will the Lord heal Lucy's body on this earth - I don't know!

Is the Lord healing Lucy's spirit - yes!

In Luke 5, Jesus first heals the man lowered through the roof, of his sins.  His bodily restoration is only secondary to his spiritual healing.

Here is Lucy's answer.

Here is Lucy's healing.

Here is Lucy's "fair".

He is healing her from the inside out and it is beautiful and it is inspiring and while her physical body may not be fully restored until she goes home...

you can bet that every beautiful, bit of brokenness will - be - used - for - good!

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

He is using you Lucy girl and in that using, He is healing you and all who know you and love you because we are all broken and we all need daily inspiration when life is unfair.

At a recent fun run at school, I ran with Lucy. I pushed my sweet one in her stroller because she wanted to participate.  She had recently injured her knee and was sidelined from all PE activities, something that did not go over well. She can't do what her classmates can do in PE but she LOVES trying!

Anyway, Lucy's one instruction to me as we got ready to run was, "Mom, you better run fast!"

*grin*

So we ran.

We did not win but her PE teacher came to her classroom later to present her with a medal for the hard worker award! Her smile when I picked her up made my heart melt, and as she proudly showed me her coveted medal, my precious Lucy said, "Momma, this is the hard worker award and I want you to have it, cause you work so hard!"

This beautiful child, who has never won a medal before, and so wanted to win a medal that day, wanted more than anything to give her precious medal to ME!  

I thanked her and hugged her and kissed her, but told her that she earns that medal every single day and that I was so very proud of her! 

No, life is not fair and I don't believe in participation trophies but as I watch my sweet girl struggle every single day with every single step she takes, as I see my baby girl fall and get right back up, over and over and over again, as I watch my dear one walk into therapy after a full day of school, without her crutches - just to show us that she can do it... 

I believe my beautiful Lucy has earned the hard worker award.

It now hangs by her bed and helps to remind me of God's faithfulness...

of how He blesses our journeys, even the hard pieces of our stories...

sometimes I think He blesses those even more.

This is so not easy y'all but oh my goodness, this is oh so beautiful...