Can my eyes be cured...
That was the question waiting for me on Google translate.
Em was helping to translate for Will as I drove them all to karate. Her face fell as she showed me Will's translated question, her eyes locked with mine as we both soaked in the hope behind this question and fought back tears as the immense-ness of the reality of the moment sunk in .
We haven't had to use the translator in a while but this question, he wanted to get right. He was excited to ask it and as he sat in the backseat anticipating my reply, I gathered myself yet again and dug deep for a voice that didn't tremble, a voice that held hope but hope that was intertwined with his reality.
He was waiting and he was listening but so were Em and Lucy and Maggie. My girls, his sweet sisters, knew, but as my answer hung heavy in the moment, the four of us somehow wished that answer could be different.
How hard it is to watch a heart break, to witness hope diminish. It would be so easy to get stuck here but the Lord steps in. He teaches me so much in the midst of the heartbreak and the hopelessness. He redeems all of it, every single heart break, every single drop of hope lost...
These kids y'all, how the Lord has used them to mold and shape me, to work on my selfish heart, to understand what it means to love like Jesus and what it means to BE loved BY Jesus.
While our culture concerns itself over picking just the right schools or which caterer to use for the Christmas party or finding just the right fabric for the drapes in the den or the Acura over the BMW or finding the perfect, matching smocked outfits for the school picture or granite counter tops vs quartz or whether to vacation in Hawaii or Disney this year or maybe we should buy all organic foods...
Meanwhile...
There are millions of children who will never go to school, much less the "right" school.
There are millions of children who will never have a Christmas, much less a catered Christmas party.
There are millions of children who will never have a home to hang drapes in.
There are millions of children who will never even own a car.
There are millions of children who will never have their own clothes, much less perfect smocked outfits.
There are millions of children who would love to be able to live in a real home, regardless of the counter tops, granite or otherwise.
There are millions of children who don't even know what a vacation is.
There are millions of children who are wondering if they will eat today and don't care if it is organic or not. They are STARVING!
I am honestly not trying to condemn or to point fingers or to guilt anyone into anything but our kids, these gifts from God, have served as a wake up call for our family and while we are still very guilty of stressing over worldly things, we are a little more able to see the things that are truly important.
We don't always get it right but we try a little harder now. Our kids have shown us what true perseverance and trust looks like and we will never look at the world, or our lives, the same again...
At least I hope we don't because the hard that we have stepped into has awakened us from our "American Dream" and has revealed a world in which there is pain but it is from this pain that great joy is born.
Will will likely never see our faces...
and Lucy will probably never walk with ease...
and Maggie will possibly always battle her body...
and Lizzie will never be able to change her beginnings...
and while all of these realities are hard, they have allowed us to feel, I mean really feel, a down to the depths of our souls kind of feel and oh the conversations we have had and the prayers we have prayed and the transformations that have followed.
Yep, that question, that one simple but shattering question was difficult to answer...
but I did...
and I am certain the answer was difficult to hear...
but he did...
and we both survived and took one more step closer to each other and to Him.
