Happy 18th Birthday Caleb

My dearest Caleb...  

Today you are 18 years old.

The world now sees you as a man.

I still see you as my baby boy.

You have always known how to make me laugh...

and how to touch my heart...

and I am not sure I am ready as the moments we have without you begin to overtake the moments we have with you.

"Mom, when I grow up do we have to be separated?"

A question asked from your 6 year old sweet self!

The reply from my formally 46 year old self caught in my throat as my answer danced around my heart's desire and the absoluteness of time.

In the preciousness of the moment, I want it to be but I have learned to treasure up all the moments in between as that baby boy becomes 18.

With each of you, I think I began to mourn this time even as I held you all for the very first time, not fully understanding the beauty of the journey, because it is beautiful.

The ache of arms outgrown is gently replaced by the anticipation of purposes fulfilled. 

The Lord entrusted you to me and with every one of those precious, passing moments, I have been releasing you back to Him.

Caleb, you are funny and interesting and talented and have a maturity that allows me to release with more ease...

or maybe it's the five other distractions still at home????

Nah, it's definitely your maturity😉

“Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.”

C.S. Lewis

You have good aim my darlin! Don't allow this world to turn your gaze away.

Happy (gulp) 18th Calebebeeeee!!!

Happy 21st Charlie

 Twenty-one years ago you made your grand entrance...

and it was dramatic!

 Hmm, maybe that's why you seem to like making dramatic entrances now😄

 

I know you were ready for 21...

but is 21 ready for you😉

I don't think I will ever be ready for you to be 21😏  

It just doesn't seem possible that we are 21 years away from this...

or this...

or this...

I mean I never really got used to the idea of you being a senior in high school and that whole graduating thing😉...

and now you are nearing your senior year at college and the days of Pokem*n cards and marbles and wooden blocks and sock wars have been replaced by interesting conversation and soccer in the kitchen and cheating at Uno and lots and lots of laughter.

There is still a smidge of longing for those early days that seemed hard, but that were enveloped in innocence and ease, as a "time out" corrected mistakes and the safety of my arms chased all fears (and your big brother😉) away and even though now, the mistakes can be bigger and the fears more real and more than my arms can carry...

you wear adulthood well my darlin and I realize I don't have to correct the mistakes or chase away the fears and I'm ok with that😄

Cause...

You've got this!

I can think of so many words to describe you Charlie dear...

Fun

Funny

Playful

Energetic

Charming

and

Tenderhearted 

But the very best adjective I have ever found to describe you is...

You are just so "Charlie"!!!

Love you and remember...

Just cause you can, doesn't mean you should!

Happy 21st Birthday!!!

Happy Birthday Will

This week we celebrated Will. 

On January 23rd, 2018, we met Will for the first time.

 On January 24th, 2018, Will, Hubby and I signed the official papers and he became our son.  

On January 25th, 2018, he turned 14, the age at which he would have forever lost his chance for a family and lived the rest of his life in the "second orphanage".

On January 24th, 2021, we started Will's 17th birthday celebrations a bit early. We couldn't resist taking these two out to dinner seeing as though in a few days, they will both be 17 years old... 

that is until February 12th when Caleb turns 18!!

Yikes!

We spent the evening talking about girlfriends and futures and time we could not get back and as I sit here tonight contemplating Will's "could have been"...

I am eternally grateful for what is now, his "could be".

   

 During dinner he asked me what my dream job had been when I was a little girl. The question is a simple one, but for Will it is one full of hope and an understanding of what a future is.

It has finally settled in and taken up residence in his heart and the hope is reflected in his ease.

I don't always understand but I have learned to always trust.

 On January 25th, 2021, Will turned 17 and he has the rest of his life ahead of him, a life that I am so grateful to now be a part of. 

I will never forget that first day, the day that we met our 4th son. 

He was nervous but ready. He gently took my hand and trusted. He placed his trust in those he could not see and could not understand. 

Yes, his life is better and yes, he now has a hope and a future but on the night of Will's 17th birthday, we know we are the ones with such a gift!

Will has a wisdom that comes from hard, which could have hardened him but the Lord protected his heart and that gentleness with which he took my hand has followed him home and we are blessed.

There is a difference in his pictures then and now... 

just as there is a difference in OUR pictures then and now.

He is changed but so . are . we...

Smokey Bear

So, if you remember a few weeks back, the great feral kitten wrangler had wrangeled herself a wild little black kitty. If you don't remember, you can read all about "my little prodigy" here, Crocodile Dunshe!

Both Lizzie and the kitty were in shock and scared and when they got home...

the real work began.

Sound familiar?

I watched as this precious daughter of mine fed and cared for and comforted and loved this tiny scared kitty.

It took great patience and faith as she nurtured through hissing and hiding and scratching and fear and as the days turned into weeks, she persevered because she knew.

She knew the love that was growing in her heart and that as frightened as this tiny one was...

that one day... 

he would know it too and while fear may always be a part of him...

she knows his familiar healing and now she is beginning to know ours.

And as she wrestled with the choice of finding him a good home or keeping him forever, she began to understand that as much as he needed her...

she . needed . him.

Through this tiny one, my tiny one is gifted a small glimpse into the love that grows by God's grace as He heals and restores the giver and the receiver... 

I watch her as she cares for him and I recognize the doubt and the fear and the joy and the love and the surrender and the embrace and . the . healing and it is familiar.

Lord thank you for your constant healing and the gentle way in which You care for us and restore us in ways that touch us so deeply.

So now I can officially say that we have our 2nd "grand" and he is also a CAT and his name is Smokey!

No worries Chewy, Lizzie's body may be tiny but her heart is HUGE😉!

 Besides... you are MY dog😆

You can read about our 1st "grand" here, Boots!

Now I guess I will be stuck with a name like Memaw!!

I . AM . THE . DOG . LADY!!!

I mean I could have had a cool grandma name like G-dog but noooooo...

My partner in crime rescue had to go and rescue a cute little kitten...

and oh my goodness just look at those squishy little cheeks😉

Welcome to the Ham Fam little Smokey Bear!