It has been hard
I am trying to be "normal"
I am trying to just focus on living in the ordinary things of the day
I am trying to concentrate on being a Mom and making sure the kids have their routine to count on right now, as if nothing has changed.
It's funny because they are so used to having to cut corners and hearing, "Sorry guys but we just can't afford that right now," that this kind of is our "normal."
I have to admit that a part of me really hates to say "no" all the time.
I part of me thinks that the kids are getting cheated out of something but if you ask me what, all I can come up with is, stuff or eating out or movies or water parks or vacations to really expensive places
and while all of that every now and again is great and fun and really OK,
I am learning that having to say "no" to this "stuff" doesn't mean having to say "no" to loving my kiddos and spending time with them and having fun with them and showing them that life is not all about having stuff and doing stuff.
Do you know that none of our kiddos got birthday gifts from us this year?
and you know what?
It was OK.
They understood and they enjoyed their birthdays - even the 6 year olds - and they still know that we love them - without all the "stuff."
Together we are learning that it is OK to wait,
it is OK to not have stuff
The Lord is working on us, all of us and how can that not be a good thing?
It is hard. I am not going to lie.
It is so hard knowing that we may loose this house.
It is hard knowing that we may have to use up the last of our retirement to pay the bills.
It is hard knowing that it may get worse before it gets better...
and it is so incredibly hard knowing that we may loose our daughter.
This is what I am struggling with.
This is what I am really having to pray through.
I have no doubt that the Lord will bring our XM home if this is His plan for her and for our family.
I have NO doubt that He will provide the way and provide it in His timing.
Knowing this and trusting this does make it easier and keeps me from totally freaking out but the thought is still never far from my heart.
The Lord, however, has had this mapped out even before we were born and in His perfect way, He made sure to surround us with friends who could guide us, friends whom He sent our way to help us make sense out of what He was doing, friends who would help us to draw closer to Him and to lean on Him instead of falling away from Him.
Some of these friends are YOU, those whom I have never met in person but whom have impacted my life just by the way they live theirs.
Some of these friends I have met and feel incredibly blessed to be able to now call them my dear friends, to get together with them, laugh with them and pray with them.
Our children are becoming friends as we become friends and that is a beautiful gift from Him.
Two such friends are Jennifer P. and her beautiful daughter Rachel!
Weeks ago Jennifer called to tell me that she and her wonderful daughter Rachel had been trying to think of a way to help us with our fundraising.
Even though they are right in the middle of their own adoption, they felt led to help us!
They decided that they wanted to plan, pay for and run a week long summer camp for us!
Not only did they want to help us with our fundraising but they were willing to spend countless hours planning and preparing...
take an entire week out of their summer to run a camp - for kids - a lot of kids!
However, knowing these 2 and their incredibly giving hearts, I was not surprised!
They are amazing and it was such a great week,
full of fun
and contests like a rice eating
and a crazy food eating contest
pistachios dried chicken brains
capers lizard eyes
honey with raisins toad slime
cocktail sauce snake blood
chunky mashed bananas goat's stomach!!!!!
Em didn't win but she was the last girl standing!
Apparently, dried chicken brains taste just like pistachios!
What a great week!
In the midst of the struggle it was a week full of blessings and reminders of the love that He surrounds us with.
Jennifer and Rachel raised almost $1800 for our XM but more than that, they helped us to understand how incredibly blessed we are!
Thank you my sweet friends.
I pray that one of these days I will be able to tell our precious XM about how much she was wanted and loved!