I never thought I would be that blogger...
you know the one...
the one who posts and posts until... they get home and then...
Drives me crazy!
and yet here I am - not posting!
So I apologize!
It is not from lack of wanting to post but more from lack of time, energy and the ability to post all the blessings without being able to process all the images that haunt me, all the images that fill my heart every single day.
This trip was hard y'all and I cannot get through a day without thinking about all those precious ones we met and held and loved on...
all those precious ones who are still waiting and many whose wait will never end.
I am still trying to decide how best to use these images, how best to help these precious ones and I am confused and angry and sad and want to just forget, to push these images from my heart because it hurts, it is uncomfortable and hard.
Right now, all I want is to be a mom and just love on my children because it feels safer and doesn't hurt but these images keep flooding my heart and I know that I will have to do something, sometime, when the time is right, when it is His time and His way.
For now, though, I am being a mom and even though "being a mom" is not as easy as it was a month ago, it is what feels right for "right now".
So, we have been home a little over a week and it is amazing the progress we are seeing.
There are still challenges for sure and I know that the challenges will continue but there is progress.
Bringing home 2 older girls with CP is not easy.
We knew that going in, but faced with the day in and day out reality of their needs has been difficult and I have found myself a little angry and disappointed that I don't feel as equipped as I thought I would be, as I thought He promised me I would be.
I am now understanding, however, that He is equipping me day by day, moment by moment and that has been such a lesson for me - daily reliance.
Tough stuff but I am learning to find the blessings in each moment and not to get lost in the long road ahead - progress!!
OK, I know you don't want me to ramble on when what you really want are pics, so here are just a few pics from our first week.
I cannot describe what it felt like to see all those familiar, beautiful, caring faces when we got off that plane and when I saw our other children...
Learning how to manage going up the stairs
with the help of a pretty cool sister...
who is SO excited about her new sisters.
Discovering our closets...
and picking out the fanciest dresses to wear.
Figuring out how to go back down the stairs
without breaking an arm or leg or Momma's back!
Doing a little OT work...
and a little schooling!
Maggie put all those numbers in order, all by herself!
And finally, we got a little slice of "normal" today.
Christian had a soccer game and I could not wait to go...
to take the girls...
to watch him play and cheer him on and just have it be a "normal" day
and it was and I found my blessing today!
Has this been hard?
Has this been wonderful?
Will I continue to blog?
There is so much going on in my head and in my heart and I just need time.
Oh and no more jet lag please!
Hang in there with me!!