The Beginning and the End

Isn't it funny how some times in our lives can be beautiful beginnings and at the same time...

bittersweet endings.

It actually happens all throughout your life, this convergence of beginning and end...

from the time you are born until the time that your ending becomes your beautiful, everlasting beginning.

These are the transitions in life, the moments that we come to expect as we move from endings to beginnings, most of the time with excitement and expectation...

unless... 

your very beginning was an ending...

if you start your life with an ending, it is very hard to look beyond any other ending to the excitement of a new beginning...

even if the ending you started your life with has now become your new beginning. 

To a child who lost everything at the start, it is hard to look at endings as anything but tragic and hard and scary and sad.

This is our Lucy's reality.  She waited a long time for her new beginning and she does not want it to change in any way, so the expected, anticipated transitions in life are hard for her.

She has a family now...

a family complete with a mommy and a daddy and siblings and she likes it that way...

even when her brothers are teasing her relentlessly...

she likes it that way...

and this morning, while we were celebrating another transition, Lucy was grieving another loss.

This morning as we celebrated Christian's very first college letter of acceptance...

as I hugged him and told him how proud I was of him...

I happen to look over at Lucy, who was not celebrating at all, who was in fact, in tears and I knew...

I knew that she was grieving another loss.

We had talked about it before and each time, as the other kiddos (jokingly - kind of - grin) vied over who would get Christian's room when he left for college...

Lucy could not see past the fact that her brother would eventually be leaving...

and she did not like it.

Even the prospect of his leaving touched a piece of her heart that has not yet healed...

that may never fully heal...

and that thought touches the very same piece of my heart that told me she was my daughter, told me that we had to do something, that she had to come home...

that piece of my heart that was left in China the day we brought our Lizzie home...

that piece of my heart that will also, never fully heal.

So while I celebrated for and hugged my oldest, I comforted and hugged my youngest and was once again reminded of the enormity of His trust in us!

I know how much we trust Him but when I stop and think about what He has entrusted to us...

my spirit is eased as the only possible way we could navigate through the hurt and the healing is with Him right by our sides.

It is what gets me through each day and what will eventually get Lucy through...

maybe not ever to a place of complete healing but definitely to a place of peace and of purpose as I am learning that many times, it is through the hurt that our purposes are found.

My dear Christian, while I share some of Lucy's sadness over this particular life transition, I also celebrate you and am so proud of the hard work that got you to this place in your life.

You are an amazing young man and I am excited for you to begin this next phase of your life.

Just remember...

the dorm rooms at the Ham Fam house are FREE, there are no coin operated washing machines and you don't even need a meal ticket!!!

Just saying!

Re-Entry

I was so honored to have been asked to guest post over at No Hands But Ours.  I was asked to write about coming home after adoption and have posted it below.  Praying it will educate and encourage!

Re-entry

Launching a spacecraft into space is one thing. B­ringing it back is another. Spacecraft re-entry is tricky business for several reasons. When an object enters the Earth's atmosphere, it experiences a few forces, including gravity and drag. Gravity will naturally pull an object back to earth. But gravity alone would cause the object to fall dangerously fast. Luckily, the Earth's atmosphere contains particles of air. As the object falls, it hits and rubs against these particles, creating friction. This friction causes the object to experience drag, or air resistance, which slows the object down to a safer entry speed - (from How Stuff Works) 

Photo from NASA

"Launching a spacecraft into space is one thing. Bringing it back is another."

Oddly enough, the same could be said for the adoption process.

Months and months are spent on paper work, more paper work, learning, connecting, preparing and planning.

"Launching" into the adoption process, the planning and the preparation is (as a space launch) one thing but coming home...

that is another!

Yes, you hear the stories (the good, the bad and the ugly) as it is all a part of the preparation.

You hear about the jet lag, the melt downs, the sleep issues, the neediness, the jealousy, the attachment difficulties - theirs and your own.

Yes, you hear all of this, but...

hearing it, learning it and processing it is very different than living it out. 

Re- entry is hard.

The fight for a new normal begins and the longing for the old normal creeps in as you struggle with the yearning to fast forward a few months or even years in order to skip the whole "re-entry" business.

Problem is, just as gravity threatens to pull a space craft back to earth dangerously fast...

trying to recreate the old normal or even push the new normal too quickly can cause problems.

The process of attachment and bonding is slow and takes time and just as friction caused by air particles slows a space craft to a safer re-entry speed, the "friction" caused from the melt downs, the sleep issues, the neediness, the jealousy and the attachment issues, actually provides a safer re-entry speed for a newly created family who just needs time.

Crazy... I know!

Understanding this deep within yourself will make those days of re-entry less about the search for normal (old or new) and more about the beauty of God's redeeming grace and healing.

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3

This is the time, this time of re-entry, to sit back and watch as the Lord binds wounds...

your newest little one's wounds as well as your own.

Cause, honestly, most of us have wounds and I have found that He works through each one of my kiddos to help bind mine. 

Allowing the Lord to work through the craziness of the first few weeks home, allows you to pour into this new, precious child...

even at 3:00 a.m.

The Lord equips those He calls...

even at 3:00 a.m.

Know that you will need to slow down for a while, accept help when you can and give yourself a break.

Meeting extended family will come, school will come, non urgent doctor appointments will come, play dates will come, the love will come...

the new normal will come...

but not before the expectations fall away...

the expectations of this world that tell us what “normal” is...

the expectations of a fallen world that presumes that a child who has known great loss and many times, great suffering, will walk effortlessly into the role of brother or sister or son or daughter...

the expectations of a world that values easy, safe and predictable...

the expectations of a world that presumes the hard part is over (should be over) when that plane lands and you can get back to life as usual.

It is in these early weeks that families can begin to feel discouraged, tired, scared and isolated.

The “what have we done” thought is so much more common than you think.

Trust me!

What you have done is step out in faith and love like Jesus does, loving through all the hard, all the discouragement, all the tired, all the scared and all the isolation, but it is a season and some family's seasons will be longer than others. This is just another unknown, another question that is not answerable... 

until you are living it...

and the enemy will use this season to plant fear and doubt. He just does not like it when these children come home.

Going back to our spaceship analogy:

NASA: NEVER ALLOW SATAN ACCESS 

Stay home.

Take time to get to know each other. 

Ask for and accept offers of help – meal trains are awesome! 

Don't feel guilty.

Don't allow your feelings to condemn you.

Reach out to your agency and other, supportive, adoptive families. 

Prepare to be unprepared and surprised.

Pray and trust that the Lord will equip you for the beautiful journey ahead...

Cause it is beautiful y'all.

The blessings that flow from the “hard” are those heavenly glimpses that often times go unrecognized in a world that values having good stuff over doing good works.

Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20 But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. Matthew 6:19-20

Finally, the one way that our spaceship analogy differs is that when a spacecraft returns to earth, it's journey is done. The mission is complete.

In adoption, re-entry is just the beginning and while the mission is never really done...

the journey is an amazing one.

From Grumble to Humbled

Why do I grumble?

Why do I complain or groan or bellyache about anything?

As I watch my sweet girlies and their daily struggles...

I am humbled and reminded of all the reasons why I should keep my grumbling mouth shut!

All three of our beautiful daughters from China have had their fair share of challenges and there are days when I am ashamed of the things that I think are worthy to complain about.

Walking for my precious Lucy is hard...

as determined as she is to get those sweet little legs of hers to move the way she wants them to...

it is just hard...

and I watch her struggle.

 I watch the effort it takes for Lucy to just stand up straight and take a step forward.

 I watch the effort it takes for our sweet Maggie to just - utter - a - word...

or to keep her body still...

even long enough to hold a smile for a picture...

and I am reminded of the ease in which I move, the ease in which I speak, the ease in which  I do anything...

and I am refined just a little bit more...

I am molded and shaped and tweaked into an image just a tad more Christ like and a little less "world like"...

and while the "world" may look on and wonder "why"...

why would we choose to take this on...

and while we sometimes look within and wonder "why"...

why did we choose to take this on...

I am drawn back to the place of peace...

that place of understanding that only comes from trusting the path that HE chose for us.

I can look back now and recognize all the blessings that we would have missed had we not acknowledged the burden that had been placed on our hearts.

I can tuck those blessings away for the hard times yet to come...

cause they will come.

My girls live in "hard" everyday, but...

they no longer have to live it alone...

"God sets the lonely in families"

and that is the answer to the "why".

Have you asked yourself what burden the Lord might be placing on your heart, the blessings you might be missing?

When I see these faces...

even when it is hard...

and especially when it's not - grin...

I am so very glad we asked...

and answered.