Isn't it funny how some times in our lives can be beautiful beginnings and at the same time...
bittersweet endings.
It actually happens all throughout your life, this convergence of beginning and end...
from the time you are born until the time that your ending becomes your beautiful, everlasting beginning.
from the time you are born until the time that your ending becomes your beautiful, everlasting beginning.
These are the transitions in life, the moments that we come to expect as we move from endings to beginnings, most of the time with excitement and expectation...
unless...
your very beginning was an ending...
if you start your life with an ending, it is very hard to look beyond any other ending to the excitement of a new beginning...
even if the ending you started your life with has now become your new beginning.
To a child who lost everything at the start, it is hard to look at endings as anything but tragic and hard and scary and sad.
This is our Lucy's reality. She waited a long time for her new beginning and she does not want it to change in any way, so the expected, anticipated transitions in life are hard for her.
She has a family now...
a family complete with a mommy and a daddy and siblings and she likes it that way...
even when her brothers are teasing her relentlessly...
she likes it that way...
and this morning, while we were celebrating another transition, Lucy was grieving another loss.
This morning as we celebrated Christian's very first college letter of acceptance...
as I hugged him and told him how proud I was of him...
I happen to look over at Lucy, who was not celebrating at all, who was in fact, in tears and I knew...
I knew that she was grieving another loss.
We had talked about it before and each time, as the other kiddos (jokingly - kind of - grin) vied over who would get Christian's room when he left for college...
Lucy could not see past the fact that her brother would eventually be leaving...
and she did not like it.
Even the prospect of his leaving touched a piece of her heart that has not yet healed...
that may never fully heal...
and that thought touches the very same piece of my heart that told me she was my daughter, told me that we had to do something, that she had to come home...
that piece of my heart that was left in China the day we brought our Lizzie home...
that piece of my heart that will also, never fully heal.
So while I celebrated for and hugged my oldest, I comforted and hugged my youngest and was once again reminded of the enormity of His trust in us!
I know how much we trust Him but when I stop and think about what He has entrusted to us...
my spirit is eased as the only possible way we could navigate through the hurt and the healing is with Him right by our sides.
It is what gets me through each day and what will eventually get Lucy through...
maybe not ever to a place of complete healing but definitely to a place of peace and of purpose as I am learning that many times, it is through the hurt that our purposes are found.
My dear Christian, while I share some of Lucy's sadness over this particular life transition, I also celebrate you and am so proud of the hard work that got you to this place in your life.
You are an amazing young man and I am excited for you to begin this next phase of your life.
Just remember...
the dorm rooms at the Ham Fam house are FREE, there are no coin operated washing machines and you don't even need a meal ticket!!!
Just saying!
This morning as we celebrated Christian's very first college letter of acceptance...
as I hugged him and told him how proud I was of him...
I happen to look over at Lucy, who was not celebrating at all, who was in fact, in tears and I knew...
I knew that she was grieving another loss.
We had talked about it before and each time, as the other kiddos (jokingly - kind of - grin) vied over who would get Christian's room when he left for college...
Lucy could not see past the fact that her brother would eventually be leaving...
and she did not like it.
Even the prospect of his leaving touched a piece of her heart that has not yet healed...
that may never fully heal...
and that thought touches the very same piece of my heart that told me she was my daughter, told me that we had to do something, that she had to come home...
that piece of my heart that was left in China the day we brought our Lizzie home...
that piece of my heart that will also, never fully heal.
So while I celebrated for and hugged my oldest, I comforted and hugged my youngest and was once again reminded of the enormity of His trust in us!
I know how much we trust Him but when I stop and think about what He has entrusted to us...
my spirit is eased as the only possible way we could navigate through the hurt and the healing is with Him right by our sides.
It is what gets me through each day and what will eventually get Lucy through...
maybe not ever to a place of complete healing but definitely to a place of peace and of purpose as I am learning that many times, it is through the hurt that our purposes are found.
My dear Christian, while I share some of Lucy's sadness over this particular life transition, I also celebrate you and am so proud of the hard work that got you to this place in your life.
You are an amazing young man and I am excited for you to begin this next phase of your life.
Just remember...
the dorm rooms at the Ham Fam house are FREE, there are no coin operated washing machines and you don't even need a meal ticket!!!
Just saying!
Oh friend, I feel every bit of that. Every single bit. Jesus is holding your sweet girl's heart as well as all of yours. Love you.
ReplyDeleteHey! If he comes to Gardner-Webb (which y'all should look into if y'all haven't-great Christian school!) the washing machines and dryers are free! I've read your blog for a number of years now, and have never posted before now. But your strength and wisdom are awe inspiring, and it gives me hope.
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