Waiting...

I find myself in this waiting room...

waiting.

My sweet Mom is having surgery today and I would be no where else than here...

waiting.

I don't wait much at this time in my life. Between the demands of 7 kids, 3 dogs, 2 crazy cats, constant medical appointments, school, soccer, work and one equally as busy Hubby...

there is no time for waiting...

so this time of waiting is strange and I find my heart wandering.

I find my heart turning to those sweet life moments that filled my growing up.

My childhood was not perfect but it was not supposed to be as this world is not a perfect place.

However, slightly imperfect in this fallen world is mostly good and my childhood was wrapped in love and in security. We were treasured and taken care of. We knew that we had a home, a family and a future.

I remember, even as a very young child, understanding that this was something to be valued, something that not everyone had and this reality was something that I could not wrap my heart around. Looking back, I can see the molding and the shaping and the process. Now, I can understand my inability to turn off the heart heavy emotions. I can understand my desire for the world to be a gentler place and my disappointment when it was not but back then, it was confusing and isolating for me. Back then, I felt different, now I just feel motivated.

So as I sit here and wait, I am waiting with the heart of a beloved daughter who knows love and has known love.

I am also sitting here waiting with the heart of a broken mother who knows redemption, who knows transformation, who has witnessed healing and beauty from ashes.

I wait for my Mother as my heart turns to all those precious ones who wait for theirs. I have been loved by my Mother for almost 53 years now and I am loving my children just as it was modeled for me. Our home is filled with love and hugs and kisses and laughter and my heart just cannot let go of those beautiful ones who will never call anyone, “mom or dad”, those who will never know the joy of riding on Daddy's shoulders or the security of being wrapped in Mommie's arms.

As I wait for my Mother, I think about how long and how patiently the Lord waited on me and I feel worthy, worthy of being pursued, worthy of being waited on and worthy of being loved! I understand how much I am loved in this life and the life to come and I want that for all those who don't have that, for all those who have never had that and for all those who are in danger of never having that...

and y'all, there are so, so many...

the statistics are heartbreaking but beyond the stats...

what I have seen with my own eyes...

heard from my own daughters' lips...

experienced through their own past traumas...

has brought this heartbreaking reality to life for me. This real, raw, tangible reality, hugs me close, not wanting to ever let go.

No longer do I wonder why my heart is burdened as that unknown pull on my heart...

now calls me, “Mom”...

as these three beautiful, once waiting orphans...

are now my three beautiful, beloved daughters, who wave goodbye to me as they go to school, who asked to be tucked in and kissed goodnight, who write me sweet notes and ask me to kiss their boo boos. They share their lives with me, their hopes and their dreams and yes, sometimes their past and again, my thoughts turn to those who are still waiting.

I am waiting on my Mom to be taken to recovery...

they are waiting just to have a Mom.

I think back on all the beautiful, loving memories I have with my Mom...

while they wait to, one day, have those kind of memories to hold close and grow from...

I think of the days to come, when I will have the privilege of taking care of my Mom and I can't help but think of those who long to have that kind of connection, that kind of chance to express all the love that is protected within their precious hearts.

Lord, I pray that one day, every child who feels unworthy, will know you and feel worthy.

I pray that every child who feels forgotten, will know you and feel pursued.

I pray that every child who feels unloved, will know you and feel love...

and I pray that every child who waits, will wait no more.

So I am waiting...

but my wait is filled with love and with hope...

too many children wait without love and without hope and sadly, for so many, their wait never ends.

I pray that more and more families, more and more churches, will rise up for these children. We must step outside of our comfortable and into their hard. We weren't promised easy but we were promised heaven and I can tell you that it is through the hard that we have glimpsed heaven.

We are His hands and feet and He is calling us to them, whether or not it is adoption or adoption support or sponsorship or caring for those who will never be adopted or or or...

There are over 100 million orphans in the world, but...

there are 2.2 billion Christians!

Be their voice, be their hope, be their future, be their family...

ask me how