Friday, January 15, 2010

Do you remember????

Do you have certain things, precious things, that will forever and always be associated with a special person in your life, places that you have been or feelings you have experienced? I think we all do. I know that even a specific smell (good or bad) can take me back to a past time or place. When we went to China, I bought some travel size lotions and shampoos and such. Good thing too, because going to the Carrafore (China's Walmart) in Guangzhou was overwhelming to say the least and I would have more than likely ended up using Chinese Desitin as facial cream and wondering why my face was suddenly as smooth as a baby's bottom! Hehe!! Anyway, I ran out of my usual lotion the other day and tried something new. Sure enough, as soon as I opened the bottle, I was instantly transported back to the White Swan Hotel! It must have been the same lotion that I had traveled with and that smell took me right back! There are also certain smells that take me right back to being 3 months pregnant and wanting to rip my head right off my body because the shampoo that I had loved for so long, suddenly smelled as bad as an open can of tunafish - left in your car - in the middle of the summer - for DAYS!!!!!! Ugh!! Still can't use any Infusiam products:) However, I digress! This post is more about things/objects that remind you of important people or events or places! I began to think about it right after Dad passed away in September. I remember the day that I left to come back home after staying with Mom through the week of the funeral. As I was getting ready to go, I suddenly noticed Dad's "little weather radio" as we liked to call it.



Funny, it had been sitting in it's usual spot for the entire week and I had just really noticed it that day. I think sometimes we get so used to seeing something day in and day out, that we can just look right through it or past it and not appreciate it and I think that can happen with the people in our daily lives too, which shouldn't be. This weather radio, though, and it's predecessors gave my Dad a lot of joy! Even though he loved being a doctor, I think he secretly wished he could have been a meteorologist. He LOVED the weather. It fascinated him and he followed every weather pattern, and every storm and was on top of every single hurricane that threatened the East Coast!! I mentioned the radio to my Mom before I left that day and she very sweetly offered it to me, but I just couldn't remove it from it's place of honor on the bathroom window sill! That is where it has been for many years and that is where it should stay. This may sound strange, but that "little weather radio" will always hold a very special place in my heart!!

There are 3 other objects in my house that offer me comfort with the memories that they hold. The first is an old clock. A clock that, I believe, belonged to my grandparents. This clock sat in the living room of my childhood home for a very long time.



You see, my parents lived (and my Mom still does) in the same house for over 40 years. That is almost unheard of these days, so when I go "home," it is to the home of my childhood. What I remember about this clock is the audible and very soothing tick tock sound that it made and the soft clang, clang that it delivered on the hour. It was a constant in my childhood and while I have it in my house now, it no longer works and while I cannot hear those soothing sounds, I can just look at that clock and imagine the sounds of my childhood and that comforts me. I am afraid to think about what sounds might remind my kids of their childhood!! Don't think it will be soft and soothing, though:)

The next object is actually a piece of drywall!! Well, a piece of drywall that was painted with trucks and dogs and was in the boys' room in our first "family" house. We hired a local art student to come in and paint some trucks in their room and of course the trucks had to have dogs in them!! This one particular truck had a pup in it that looked so much like our beloved dog, Dingo, who slept many nights at the foot of the boys' beds!



When we moved from that first house we filled as a family, we cut that one truck (with the buyers permission) from the wall in that room. We framed it and hung it in hubby's office and it will always remind me of our first wonderful home that we rapidly outgrew but remember as the "baby house!" I think there must have been something in the water as the family that moved in quickly found themselves expecting #3!! LOL!

The other object in my home that takes me back and fills me with joy is a chair! Yep, a chair! A rocking chair to be exact. This rocking chair is not really stylish or trendy and honestly not really my taste, however, in my eyes, it is the most beautiful chair in the world and I will never, ever let it go!



It is the rocking chair (actually a glider) that we bought when we were expecting our first. I really didn't think much about it other than it was the right color of wood (to match the crib) and it was comfy! Little did I know how important that chair was to be. Our first son LOVED to be rocked. When Christian was a toddler and was no longer nursing at night, he would wake (just about every night)and want to be rocked back to sleep and while I knew that I probably shouldn't rock him til he was asleep again, I could not resist. It was OUR time and I was not ready or willing to give it up. I have to admit that there were some nights that I would be so tired and just did not want to get out of my warm bed to rock my boy, but I did. I remember one night in particular. I was about 7 or 8 months pregnant with our second son and was uncomfortable and was rocking Christian. He was quiet in my arms but as soon as I put him in his crib, he would wake and say, "mo wock." I remember feeling so incredibly frustrated and so incredibly tired, but as we rocked in the quiet of the night, I suddenly began to understand that I needed to remember this feeling. I began to realize how quickly these moments were coming to an end and I never wanted to forget the feeling of holding my little curly headed boy in my arms as we rocked together in that chair. Alas, none of my other kids loved to be rocked like my first did, but somehow that chair represents all of their babyhoods to me. It now sits in Christian's room, but I have a feeling that before too long, Momma will reclaim that chair and tuck it safely away while I wait for the next (gulp) generation and I just know they will all love to be "wocked!"

What items do you all have that can take you back or that hold special memories for you?

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Blog Post

A few weeks back, I entered a blog post contest over at Adoption Voices. I entered and then quickly forgot about it because, well, I NEVER win anything!!! Til now, that is!!! The blog post I entered actually won! Must have been a slow day:) Hehe!! The winning post, most of you have probably already read but if not, you can read it here . Anyway, the point of this post is not to toot my own horn, but to show you what the wonderful people at Adoption Voices sent me! I received an email telling me that I won and that I would be getting a little package in the mail and $25 transferred into my paypal account! Whoo Hoo!! Honestly, I figured the package would be something small and maybe a little cheesy (forgive me)! I was much more excited about the 25 big ones!!! I mean come on, that's Pizza one night, delivered, right there:) My mouth was already watering!! However, when the box arrived it was heavier and bigger than I had imagined! I was intrigued but I waited til the kids went to bed and I opened it! Much to my surprise, it was a beautiful gift! There were some really yummy home spray scents and by some, I mean like about 8!! I love them and they make my house smell so good and with 5 kids, 2 dogs (if not more) and a cat, that ain't always easy!! As wonderful as that was, though, the beautiful books they sent were amazing!! I wanted to share them with you because I thought some of you all might be interested and because it was such a touching gift! Thanks so much Adoption Voices!!!

The first is



From the Publisher:
"I am nine years old and someone a lot like you. Part of my life has been like a puzzle needing pieces, but I am understanding more about myself and my life everyday. This is my story..."

So begins the honest, lyrical reflection of a pre-adolescent girl on what she knows of her adoption from China, and the strength she gains from her acceptance of her bittersweet experience.

The book addresses the underlying feelings and emotions that color the world of the China adoptee. At Home in This World effectively describes and empowers a young girl looking for acknowledgement, empathy and emotional validation. It also enables pre-teen readers to put their early lives into perspective, while emphasizing the supportive love that encircles them within their own families.


This will be such a great book for Lizzie as she gets older!

The second is



"Many adult adoptees have gone through life wanting to ask questions about their birthparents, but have feared making their adoptive parents uncomfortable. So these important questions go unasked and unanswered.

We See the Moon opens the adoption dialog at an early age by allowing the questions in your child's heart to be asked and discussed. In time these questions will form a loving foundation for conversations to come.

Written from a child's perspective, this beautifully illustrated picture book helps to form the questions about birthparents - What do you look like? Where are you now? Do you think of me?

This is a simply beautiful book, one that will open dialog and lifelong trust."


Even though we talk about Lizzie's birth family, what a great way to get Lizzie to talk about them!

The third is



"For the child who looks different from their parents for what ever reason...foster care, step parents, adoption. This multicultural book will empower your child to look beyond the physical features they have on the outside because inside our hearts, we are the same."

What a great book to read to Lizzie and Em's class in a year or two!

and the last is my favorite - right now anyway!



"A tender tale about a mother’s love for her adopted child who came to her from God. As Little Fox gets ready for bed, Mama Fox tells him the miraculous story of his arrival. First there was the waiting: “I’d go up to the cliffs and watch for you,” Mama Fox tells her child. Then the mother who had Little Fox made the big decision to give him away: “I think she prayed like crazy that you would be safe, Little Fox. I think she prayed for me as much as I prayed for her.” Then, finally, both their prayers were answered, the day God delivered Little Fox to Mama Fox: “When God found us you, you made me the happiest mama in the world.”

What an incredibly sweet and loving book that Lizzie asks for every night and sure enough Momma cries through, every night!!

It was even signed by the author!! How cool is that!!!



Anyway, I just wanted to thank Adoption Voices for this very sweet gift! I cried as I read through each book! Oh and am looking forward to the pizza too:) Might just be crying happy tears over that one!! Hehe!!

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Full to Overflowing

This is what we found when we went to bed a few nights ago...



Now I know we have a king size bed and all, but honestly, where were we supposed to sleep??? Hehe!!

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Wo Ai Ni Mommy

I found an interesting video trailer on this blog . It is a trailer for a documentary about an 8 year old girl who was adopted from China entitled Wo Ai Ni Mommy (I Love You Mommy) and it describes the families' experiences, the struggles and the joy that may be involved in an older child adoption. Just the trailer was very emotional and I have my own reasons for watching it but cannot wait for the show to air! Go here and click on "Enter Site" to view the trailer!!

There is a portion of the trailer where this beautiful little girl is crying and asking to go back to China, to all that was familiar to her. This broke my heart and led my thoughts to Lizzie and her process of attachment. Wanting to go back to China (without us) is one thing that I can say we have never seen in Lizzie. Even in China, during our orphanage visit, Lizzie's reaction to the nannies was heart wrenching. She clearly did NOT want to go to them, any of them. This very difficult visit and my feelings about her care in China and the effect it had on my sweet girl is a post for another day. Suffice it to say that it was an extrememly emotional day, good and bad!



We still see, after being home for a year and a half, signs that she worries about leaving us. When she gets in trouble, she often apologizes profusely for her actions and somehow it is different. Her apologies sometimes have a desperateness about them that just brings me to my knees. She also gets VERY worried and scared when I get hurt and I don't mean seriously injured like 911 worthy but "oops I need a bandaid" type boo boo! It can bring my sweet girl to the verge of tears - me too!! I guess whether a child longs for what was their "familiar" or is fearful about loosing what has become their new "familiar," each reaction can be challenging and heartbreaking for both the child and the family. I can say from my own experience that this is one of many things that I pray about, worry about and over analyze about with Lizzie. However, I pray about and worry about and over analyze about other things with our biological children too (like why Em loves Batman underwear and why my sons think that just saying the words fart, burp and poop is the funniest thing ever, Hehe). So I guess in the end, every single child has fears, adopted or not as does every single parent, but yet I still search for answers and reason and solutions where there may be none. I do so, however, because I am Mom. I am Christian, Charlie, Caleb, Em and Lizzie's Mom and I love them all and worry about them all and enjoy them all tremendously. They will all have their own set of challenges (one of which being their crazy parents) but so do we all and we pray about them, worry about them and over analyze them and then move on!! We all have obstacles to overcome (I watched my amazing brother overcome many) and learning all we can about dealing with them helps us to ultimately overcome them and live!!! The best thing I ever did to overcome some of my many challenges (because there are many) was to marry a guy who definitely does not worry too much or over analyzes ANYTHING! It drives me absolutely crazy sometimes, but does keep me grounded!!

Friday, January 8, 2010

Princess huh???? Yeah right!!!!


What does a pair of Batman underwear have to do with a Princess? Not much really, but it is my proof!! Hahahahahahaha, I laugh triumphantly!!! Remember my recent post about how Em thinks she is more girly girl than tomboy and how Momma knows the real truth? Well I just had to report back and say that on a trip to Walmart yesterday after picking out all the princess stuff she wanted for her bday and THEN having to go back and check on them before we left the store, little Miss Girly Girl decided on some very stylish but not very girly Batman big girl (boy) pants as her purchase of the day and was very happy about it. It was actually a very hard choice between Spider Man, Scooby Doo, Transformers and Batman. In the end, however, the Caped Crusader reigned supreme!! She could not wait to get home and show her brothers, which she promptly did at bedtime last night. Right after her bath, Em adorned her very stylish but not very girly Batman big girl (boy) pants and danced around her brother's rooms singing I - am - Batman!!! Sorry sweetheart but Momma knows what's under those Princess dresses and it definitely ain't pink!!! Hehe!!

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

This is a girl who knows what she wants...

Well maybe!!! Em is a true mixture of tomboy and girly girl. She thinks that she is more girly girl than tomboy, however, Momma knows the truth!! Her birthday is a couple of months away, yet she is talking about it constantly. How do you explain the concept of time to a 3 year old??? Anyway, she really, really, really wants a princess cake and just yesterday began to describe in full detail what else her requirements were.



The funny thing is, she talks a good princess game but this girl would much rather be wrestling (and most times winning) with her big brothers or kicking a soccer ball (albeit pink) in the house and usually knocking something over, than playing or watching or reading about princesses. Her first choice of books at the book store the other day was a book about dinosaur innards. The colon, in particular, was the one she was most fascinated by!! Thanks boys!!!! She does LOVE baby dolls and playing Mommie with Lizzie but I really think that has more to do with wanting to boss her little sister around than anything else!! Hehe!! I love ya my little girly girl, wrestling, soccer playing princess!! You rock!

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Top Ten Photos of 2009

TM over at Our Little Tongginator posted her top ten pics of 09 and asked others to join in. Sounded like fun to me and since we have been out of town with no (gulp) computer, I thought it would be a great first post for 2010. If you want to join the fun go here .

OK, here goes. My top ten pics of 2009.

I have to first start with some of my fav Soccer pics because I just LOVE watching my boys play soccer!!

This first pic is of my oldest. He is a perfectionist and plays to his fullest. He was captain of his team this year and we are very proud of him and I believe I have mentioned before how much HAIR this boy has!!! SO not fair!!! Hehe!!



Number 2 pic is of my 9 year old. He is a natural athlete and just loves playing soccer because it is FUN!! Charlie does love to have fun and I do love to watch him having fun on that soccer field!



Number 3 Soccer pic is of my littlest boy or my middlest child!! I love this pic because Caleb is concentrating so hard while his brothers watch and support!!! Caleb is much like his oldest brother and does like to be as perfect as he can be at whatever he tries!! He is usually successful, although he doesn't always think so.



Love these next 2 pics because they show the definite difference in the boys and girls in our house according to my hubby!!! Hehehehehe!!!





Number 6 is a pic I took of Lizzie when we were at the beach this summer. Her hair had finally started to grow out from her orphanage buzz cut and this pic just shows how incredibly gorgeous she is!!!



Number 7 is a pic that will always hold a special place in my heart. We lost my Dad in September 2009 but his health had been failing for a long time. The girls, in particular Lizzie, were very attentive. Whenever we were helping Dad move around, the girls would jump up and grab his hand and help us to help him. I am so glad Dad got to know Em and Lizzie but am so sad that he did not get to really know them.



Number 8 is of Christian on his very first Cotillion. He looked so handsome and so grown up. Lizzie thought her big brother was lookin' good and insisted on being in the pic with him!



Number 9 is a pic that I love but that Em will probably hate as she gets older!! This pic to me just shows the true Emmeline. She is so beautiful but has been so shaped by having 3 big brothers. She is brave and strong and headstrong and just "dives" into life!! When you first meet her, she is very shy but hang in there with her a while and you get a glimpse into her infectious gusto!!



Saved the best for last. Lizzie after 18 clubfoot casts, one tendon surgery and 2 hand surgeries, plays flag football. Nuf said!!!!



OK, had to cheat here a bit. As I was going through my pics I realized that I just couldn't leave some of them out. So I am just going to post a few more in no particular order!! Sorry!! LOL!!





How I think of Caleb for most of the year - toothless!!











First candy apples - yum!



First day of preschool - yay!!



Big girl pants - double yay!!!



First real kiss - triple yay!!













Just a "friendly" game, right hun????











So that is kind of our year in review in pics!! We were just lamenting the fact that 2009 has not been our best year, however, looking back with these pictures, I am beginning to change my mind. It is really all about putting things in perspective, isn't it? Here's looking forward to a wonderful 2010!!