The Beginning and the End

Isn't it funny how some times in our lives can be beautiful beginnings and at the same time...

bittersweet endings.

It actually happens all throughout your life, this convergence of beginning and end...

from the time you are born until the time that your ending becomes your beautiful, everlasting beginning.

These are the transitions in life, the moments that we come to expect as we move from endings to beginnings, most of the time with excitement and expectation...

unless... 

your very beginning was an ending...

if you start your life with an ending, it is very hard to look beyond any other ending to the excitement of a new beginning...

even if the ending you started your life with has now become your new beginning. 

To a child who lost everything at the start, it is hard to look at endings as anything but tragic and hard and scary and sad.

This is our Lucy's reality.  She waited a long time for her new beginning and she does not want it to change in any way, so the expected, anticipated transitions in life are hard for her.

She has a family now...

a family complete with a mommy and a daddy and siblings and she likes it that way...

even when her brothers are teasing her relentlessly...

she likes it that way...

and this morning, while we were celebrating another transition, Lucy was grieving another loss.

This morning as we celebrated Christian's very first college letter of acceptance...

as I hugged him and told him how proud I was of him...

I happen to look over at Lucy, who was not celebrating at all, who was in fact, in tears and I knew...

I knew that she was grieving another loss.

We had talked about it before and each time, as the other kiddos (jokingly - kind of - grin) vied over who would get Christian's room when he left for college...

Lucy could not see past the fact that her brother would eventually be leaving...

and she did not like it.

Even the prospect of his leaving touched a piece of her heart that has not yet healed...

that may never fully heal...

and that thought touches the very same piece of my heart that told me she was my daughter, told me that we had to do something, that she had to come home...

that piece of my heart that was left in China the day we brought our Lizzie home...

that piece of my heart that will also, never fully heal.

So while I celebrated for and hugged my oldest, I comforted and hugged my youngest and was once again reminded of the enormity of His trust in us!

I know how much we trust Him but when I stop and think about what He has entrusted to us...

my spirit is eased as the only possible way we could navigate through the hurt and the healing is with Him right by our sides.

It is what gets me through each day and what will eventually get Lucy through...

maybe not ever to a place of complete healing but definitely to a place of peace and of purpose as I am learning that many times, it is through the hurt that our purposes are found.

My dear Christian, while I share some of Lucy's sadness over this particular life transition, I also celebrate you and am so proud of the hard work that got you to this place in your life.

You are an amazing young man and I am excited for you to begin this next phase of your life.

Just remember...

the dorm rooms at the Ham Fam house are FREE, there are no coin operated washing machines and you don't even need a meal ticket!!!

Just saying!

Re-Entry

I was so honored to have been asked to guest post over at No Hands But Ours.  I was asked to write about coming home after adoption and have posted it below.  Praying it will educate and encourage!

Re-entry

Launching a spacecraft into space is one thing. B­ringing it back is another. Spacecraft re-entry is tricky business for several reasons. When an object enters the Earth's atmosphere, it experiences a few forces, including gravity and drag. Gravity will naturally pull an object back to earth. But gravity alone would cause the object to fall dangerously fast. Luckily, the Earth's atmosphere contains particles of air. As the object falls, it hits and rubs against these particles, creating friction. This friction causes the object to experience drag, or air resistance, which slows the object down to a safer entry speed - (from How Stuff Works) 

Photo from NASA

"Launching a spacecraft into space is one thing. Bringing it back is another."

Oddly enough, the same could be said for the adoption process.

Months and months are spent on paper work, more paper work, learning, connecting, preparing and planning.

"Launching" into the adoption process, the planning and the preparation is (as a space launch) one thing but coming home...

that is another!

Yes, you hear the stories (the good, the bad and the ugly) as it is all a part of the preparation.

You hear about the jet lag, the melt downs, the sleep issues, the neediness, the jealousy, the attachment difficulties - theirs and your own.

Yes, you hear all of this, but...

hearing it, learning it and processing it is very different than living it out. 

Re- entry is hard.

The fight for a new normal begins and the longing for the old normal creeps in as you struggle with the yearning to fast forward a few months or even years in order to skip the whole "re-entry" business.

Problem is, just as gravity threatens to pull a space craft back to earth dangerously fast...

trying to recreate the old normal or even push the new normal too quickly can cause problems.

The process of attachment and bonding is slow and takes time and just as friction caused by air particles slows a space craft to a safer re-entry speed, the "friction" caused from the melt downs, the sleep issues, the neediness, the jealousy and the attachment issues, actually provides a safer re-entry speed for a newly created family who just needs time.

Crazy... I know!

Understanding this deep within yourself will make those days of re-entry less about the search for normal (old or new) and more about the beauty of God's redeeming grace and healing.

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3

This is the time, this time of re-entry, to sit back and watch as the Lord binds wounds...

your newest little one's wounds as well as your own.

Cause, honestly, most of us have wounds and I have found that He works through each one of my kiddos to help bind mine. 

Allowing the Lord to work through the craziness of the first few weeks home, allows you to pour into this new, precious child...

even at 3:00 a.m.

The Lord equips those He calls...

even at 3:00 a.m.

Know that you will need to slow down for a while, accept help when you can and give yourself a break.

Meeting extended family will come, school will come, non urgent doctor appointments will come, play dates will come, the love will come...

the new normal will come...

but not before the expectations fall away...

the expectations of this world that tell us what “normal” is...

the expectations of a fallen world that presumes that a child who has known great loss and many times, great suffering, will walk effortlessly into the role of brother or sister or son or daughter...

the expectations of a world that values easy, safe and predictable...

the expectations of a world that presumes the hard part is over (should be over) when that plane lands and you can get back to life as usual.

It is in these early weeks that families can begin to feel discouraged, tired, scared and isolated.

The “what have we done” thought is so much more common than you think.

Trust me!

What you have done is step out in faith and love like Jesus does, loving through all the hard, all the discouragement, all the tired, all the scared and all the isolation, but it is a season and some family's seasons will be longer than others. This is just another unknown, another question that is not answerable... 

until you are living it...

and the enemy will use this season to plant fear and doubt. He just does not like it when these children come home.

Going back to our spaceship analogy:

NASA: NEVER ALLOW SATAN ACCESS 

Stay home.

Take time to get to know each other. 

Ask for and accept offers of help – meal trains are awesome! 

Don't feel guilty.

Don't allow your feelings to condemn you.

Reach out to your agency and other, supportive, adoptive families. 

Prepare to be unprepared and surprised.

Pray and trust that the Lord will equip you for the beautiful journey ahead...

Cause it is beautiful y'all.

The blessings that flow from the “hard” are those heavenly glimpses that often times go unrecognized in a world that values having good stuff over doing good works.

Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20 But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. Matthew 6:19-20

Finally, the one way that our spaceship analogy differs is that when a spacecraft returns to earth, it's journey is done. The mission is complete.

In adoption, re-entry is just the beginning and while the mission is never really done...

the journey is an amazing one.

From Grumble to Humbled

Why do I grumble?

Why do I complain or groan or bellyache about anything?

As I watch my sweet girlies and their daily struggles...

I am humbled and reminded of all the reasons why I should keep my grumbling mouth shut!

All three of our beautiful daughters from China have had their fair share of challenges and there are days when I am ashamed of the things that I think are worthy to complain about.

Walking for my precious Lucy is hard...

as determined as she is to get those sweet little legs of hers to move the way she wants them to...

it is just hard...

and I watch her struggle.

 I watch the effort it takes for Lucy to just stand up straight and take a step forward.

 I watch the effort it takes for our sweet Maggie to just - utter - a - word...

or to keep her body still...

even long enough to hold a smile for a picture...

and I am reminded of the ease in which I move, the ease in which I speak, the ease in which  I do anything...

and I am refined just a little bit more...

I am molded and shaped and tweaked into an image just a tad more Christ like and a little less "world like"...

and while the "world" may look on and wonder "why"...

why would we choose to take this on...

and while we sometimes look within and wonder "why"...

why did we choose to take this on...

I am drawn back to the place of peace...

that place of understanding that only comes from trusting the path that HE chose for us.

I can look back now and recognize all the blessings that we would have missed had we not acknowledged the burden that had been placed on our hearts.

I can tuck those blessings away for the hard times yet to come...

cause they will come.

My girls live in "hard" everyday, but...

they no longer have to live it alone...

"God sets the lonely in families"

and that is the answer to the "why".

Have you asked yourself what burden the Lord might be placing on your heart, the blessings you might be missing?

When I see these faces...

even when it is hard...

and especially when it's not - grin...

I am so very glad we asked...

and answered.

Only Three More Years...

until he is in my decade again!

Although he would prefer to remain in the 80's...

the 1980's that is!

*grin*

Happy Birthday to one amazing man!

I cannot take you back in time...

although I hear T*p Gun 2 is in the works...

booya

I no longer have big hair and shoulder pads...

(nope, no picture, no way, no how)

and you no longer have long hair...

thank goodness...

cause I do not have time to make 5 pony tails before school each morning!

just sayin...

No, I will not cannot recreate the 80's, but I can tell you that when we are in our 80's...

I will love you just as much as I do today!

Happy Happy Birthday to my Maverick!

It Was Just Your Typical Day...

until we decided to have a family day...

outside...

in August...

cause we wanted to sweat have some fun together!

So we ventured out to a park...

a park under a bridge...

a park with a pier and some pretty cool views.

It was all fun and games until...

an unsuspecting family caught...

a stingray!

gasp

One of these days I will tell you about my run in with a stingray!

Let me just say that it ended with a week in the hospital, 2 surgeries and a hickman for 6 weeks - me - not the stingray!

Yeah...

Don't mess with stingrays y'all!

So anyway this unsuspecting family hooked a stingray and was clearly having trouble trying to release it while not getting hit by that barb!

It was not going well...

They needed help and my eldest who had just completed an internship at our local Aquarium knew it.

Now let me just back up a bit here and mommy brag fill you in on what Christian has been up to this summer!

Way back in the fall of last year, Christian was nominated by his teachers to compete for a paid internship position at our wonderful, local Aquarium.

He completed his application and his essay and was selected as one of 20 students to train once a month for 4 months.

At the end of that 4 month period, the students again had to write and present a paper that they had researched and written.

Ten students were then chosen from the 20 to actually participate in the internship this summer and...

my sweet boy was one of them!

This was a true gift from the Lord and came at a time when Christian was really struggling with the direction in which he was being led...

as in no discernible direction...

other than feeling as if the military was not where he needed to be...

until this internship!

Now my sweet boy has a clearer picture of where he needs to be and the path his life may take!

He loved his time at the Aquarium!

I have to admit that as much as I love animals, the ones he was working with...

tend to give me nightmares...

hehe...

but he loved it!

How awesome is the Lord to provide such a clear direction for one so young in age and in faith!

so, back to the family day that was interrupted by a stingray...

It had been one day since Christian's internship had ended and he felt like he was right back at work!

He sprang into action and knew just what to do!

He was able to release the stingray...

without anyone getting hurt...

remember...

barb...

hospital...

surgeries...

shutter!

And...  he got to educate the family a little bit in how to safely remove the hook and release the ray!

They were so grateful...

and I was so proud!

Thank you Lord for providing some direction.

Thank you Lord for reinforcing that direction by using the same animal who caused me some real life nightmares!

hehe

Just love watching Him work!

It took me a long time to be able to get back in that ocean but, over the years, the call of the boogy board...

overcame the fear of the barb!

*grin*

So our family day turned rescue mission ended with some ice cream, some pats on the back for my sweet Christian and one very happy stingray...

I think maybe we have earned some points in stingray land...

I hope so anyway!