It has begun...
the tough questions - the “whys” and the “how come” and the “what does she look like” and the unspoken, “what if”.
I have always made sure that we talked openly about Lizzie’s birth family. We pray for them at night and ask that the Lord bring them peace. I have always wanted this to be a “safe” conversation for her and up until now, she hasn’t asked too many questions. She hasn’t seemed all that interested, not enough to ask too many questions anyway.
I assume that with the work that I do and with Lucy’s adoption, the questions have begun to take shape in Lizzie’s heart.
The kids all pick certain children from my advocacy site to pray for. They have their pictures by their beds and they pray for them until, hopefully, they find a family. They do ask questions about these children and we talk about them and we talk about adoption and we talk about China but Lizzie just has not connected her story with theirs so much... until now, until Chaz...
Months ago, we were talking and praying about my dear friend, Angie, and the fact that one of her waiting son’s had a best friend named Chaz, who, if he didn’t find a family, would age out in the same exact month that Mrs. Angie would bring her son (Chaz’s best friend) home. We prayed for Chaz that night and a few nights after, hoping that a family would step forward for him.
Well, no - one - did and sure enough, wonderful Chaz aged out and aged out 4 days before his best friend leaves to go home with his forever family. We hadn’t really talked a lot about Chaz recently and concentrated more on praying and asking the Lord to provide for Mrs. Angie’s adoptions, which He did! Praise Him!
However, a few days ago as we were praying for their travel, Lizzie said, “Mommie, we need to pray for Chaz cause he is aging out right when Mrs. Angie’s son is getting “dopted.”
Sigh…. Yes, sweet baby girl, yes.
Then the questions started and the connections began to be made and the “whys” and the reality of it all - for these waiting children and for my sweet girl.
I don't ever want Lizzie to be ashamed of where she comes from and how she got here and I try to help her to understand but I don't have all the answers and I know the questions will get harder as she gets older.
So, for now, I try to help her to understand what a 6 year old can understand about being abandoned and about being chosen, about how the Lord can take a bad thing and turn it into good.
I want her to feel safe asking questions and to know that she can feel
sad or confused or angry or however she feels about it all and that I
will always be willing to listen, to wonder with her and to cry with her
when she needs it.
This precious child of mine has a deep pocket of sadness within her that we have only just begun to reveal and to heal.
However, she also has a deep capacity to love and a compassion that is so strong, I can see how it hurts.
How do I see it?
I see it because the Lord knew right where Miss Lizzie belonged.
Yep, She and I share very similar hearts and I think we needed each other in a way that only she and I can see and I am so thankful that the Lord chose us to love this precious child.
He entrusted Lizzie to us and I trust that He will
continue to provide us with the wisdom to parent her as well as the
answers that she will need and the opportunities to allow her to grieve
and to heal.
Lizzie, you are one very special child and I can only imagine what you
are going to accomplish with your huge heart and your determination and
your desire to help any and all who need help.
The Lord has a wonderfully unique plan for you my love and I feel so blessed to be able to watch it unfold.
So, bring on those tough questions, let's have those tough conversations and trust that through it all He is readying you, my darling child, preparing you for what He created you for and while I may not always have all the answers...
He does!
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