Saturday, March 15, 2014

The Fall

Lucy fell

Lucy always falls

but this was a bad one

this one was down our stairs

like all - the - way - down!
 
She hit hard
 
and so did I...
 
For you adoptive Mamas out there, you know the moment when you have that kick in your heart, the moment you have that "oh my gosh, I REALLY DO LOVE this child" moment?

Well today was that moment.

Not that I have not loved sweet Lucy, cause I have.

I loved her before we brought her home and I loved her when we met her and all the days after and the day we stepped foot into the R Hospital where she lived for 4 years, I knew that we would be ok cause this was so not ok.

Know what I mean?

Today though...

today was my kick in the heart moment when I realized just how strong, how deep, how real my love for this precious child is.

As I watched Lucy plummet down the stairs and land in a heap in the floor...

my world stopped

and I was terrified.

As I held her and comforted her and kissed away her tears and wiped away the blood on her lip and told her that she was ok and that I loved her and cried with her...
 
I knew...

I also knew that, even though she seemed ok, she needed to stay home from school...

I needed her to stay home from school... 
 
 
 and as she rested all tucked in on the sofa with a blanket and a doggie or two, her heart began to open up and she began to tell me a bit more of her story and I got my second kick of the day.
 
 
What Lucy told me did not shock me as I have heard many stories, heartbreaking stories, from other older adopted children and I saw first hand what I thought her life had been in China, so I was not shocked but still completely heartbroken for this beautiful child - my child.
 
 
Lucy told me that she would fall down all the time and that no one would help her.  She shared that she would fall in the bathroom a lot (here my heart broke as I saw what this bathroom looked like) and that she called for help and no - one - would - come.  
 
(heart shattered)

I asked her if her sweet BFF at the hospital would help her and she said yes.  This sweet boy, who is now home with his family (praise God), told his Mom that he would help Lucy up and down the stairs and pick her up when she would fall.

Sigh...

Again, heartbreak for my sweet girl and for her BFF as he was just a child too.  They apparently just decided one day that they were going to be big brother and little sister.  He took care of my girl!

Lucy told me that she would get scared in her bed at night and that she would cry but no - one - would - come...

She said that when she fell down and hurt herself, no one would kiss her and make it better and that they would be angry with her, always angry with her.

Oh sweet Lucy, would that I could have come to you...
 
 I know, however, that I cannot stay "there"
 
I know I have to be here for her - now
 
so we talked and we hugged and we cried and then we watched "I Spy" 
 
I know there is more to come and Maggie's story has really turned us inside out (more to come on that later) but for now, we just keep on coming when she calls and kissing her when she falls and loving her through it all!
 
This is why we have 3 more children than most people thought we should have had.
 
I cannot and I will not ignore their plight or His call.
 
Praying more will begin to hear this call and not just to adopt but maybe to help others who are adopting or sponsor a child or at least be supportive of those who do hear the call and choose to answer!

My heart is heavy for my daughters but I know they will be ok

My heart is heavier for those who will never have a Mom or a Dad to come to them when they call or kiss them when they fall.

Please pray for all of these precious ones who wait and all of the families who step out in faith and ignore the promptings of this world to follow the promptings of our heavenly Father.
 
Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
John 14:27

It is not easy but we were not promised easy and nothing that comes easy is treasured nearly as much as that which comes out of true hard work and challenge and we are so incredibly blessed by our challenges right now.

My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.
 James 1:2-4 

13 comments:

  1. I read your blog each week, and it moves me and gives me focus. I am single mother with two amazing daughters who were adopted from China when they were babies. They were NSN, and it was almost nine years ago when I brought home my youngest. Last year, we visited China. I went to my daughters’ orphanages, and I was deeply saddened to see the sweet children who still live there. I am PA for a little boy; he will be four in October. My daughters are thrilled, but pretty much everyone I know thinks I am a fool. I am a teacher and money will be tight. Our house is small (we have one bathroom), but I knew in my heart is right. We can do this. Thank you for sharing your journey.

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    1. Oh Virginia, thank you! I know how hard this is. Just keep following where He leads and He will support you.

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  2. What a precious and painful moment all rolled into one. Your sweet daughter has been through more than most experience in a lifetime. Praying that God will continue to redeem that lost time and that He will use all her painful wounds to His glory. I praise Him that she is safe now and knows the love of a Mom and Dad. She is starting to learn that when we fall there will always be someone to help us up and kiss where we hurt. The plight of the orphan breaks my heart in two. Praising God for your One Less!!! She is a treasure!

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  3. I just LOVE your blog. I have wanted to adopt since I was high school. I am still single and am currently teaching English to blind children Korea. God has just recently called me to become a foster mom when I come home, and I am so excited about it. Oh, and I love hearing about your dogs too. I have 2 dogs of my own (had 3 when I came to Korea, but one died while I was here) and have fostered many dogs before. I love reading about all your stories!
    ~Angela

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    1. Oh Angela, God bless your beautiful heart!

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  4. My heart just hurts knowing (and not knowing) what your sweet Lucy and our precious Addi have gone through. Some days it brings me to my knees. Precious, precious girl....never again will you be yelled at for falling or go with out snuggles and kisses after a fall. Thank God she is home with you. Much love!
    Jennifer

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    1. Still praying for sweet Addi, Jennifer!

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  5. Love seeing her all snugged up on the sofa - knowing she is loved. Warms my heart.

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  6. I'm so happy I found your blog. Not even sure how I got here. I saw a Gotcha video on YouTube when you got the precious little one you are holding in your profile pic here. I cried - it was so sweet & tender & filled with love.

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    1. Thank you sweet Gwen! Glad you found me too:)

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  7. We have adopted 3 chidren, no bios. I know the Lord is calling us to adopt another, one with more significant needs but my husband won't even discuss it. Please pray for his heart & mind to be opened to more adoptions.

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