The Heartbreak and the Healing

It has been seven months y'all...

seven months since Maggie and Lucy came home...

and while we are celebrating the fact that Lucy can now walk for more than 2 steps before falling and cutting her head open or the fact that Maggie can now walk without knee pads as she gains more control over her precious body...

there are things at this seven month mark that we are not celebrating...

things that we are grieving over and things that have brought us to our knees.

You see, the girls are feeling safer, they are feeling more secure with us and while we do definitely celebrate that awesome fact...

with that security comes revelations and with these revelations come heart break...

heartbreak for what our daughters have begun to tell us of their pasts, their realities, their day in and day out, and their experiences, some of which were immensely and sadly traumatic...

and it – is – hard.

Doing the work that I do and being so involved in the adoption community, you would think that I would have been ready, ready for this knowledge, ready for this sadness, ready to hear their pain...

but my heart was so not ready.

These are my kids, my girls and they suffered y'all, really suffered.

These are all things that I knew could happen to every single waiting child out there but when you are hearing it come out of the mouths of your children...

it suddenly becomes so very real and so very close and so very, hard to process.

My girls have stories, real live stories and those stories are ripping this Momma's heart in two.

We saw where Lucy came from and if you followed our journey, I think you could tell how disturbed we were to experience where our daughter had lived for 4 years of her young life.

Our trip there affected us in a way that I was not prepared for but because of that visit, we did feel somewhat prepared for Lucy's challenges and ready for what she would later tell us of her “Ch*na reality” but when Maggie's story began to be told...

again...

we – were – brought – to – our – knees.

Her story is one of extreme trauma and pain and loss and fear and far too much for anyone, especially a precious little girl, to carry around...

and yet she does and still manages to love and to laugh and to live.

Is she burying the hurt?

yes

Is she masking the tears with laughter?

yes

Is she going to be ok...

YES

You see, in the midst of all this “hard”, there is peace, the kind of supernatural peace that can only come from the Lord.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

John 14:27

We know He is equipping us, we can feel it everyday and while it might be the hardest thing we have ever done...

there is His constant, reassuring peace, “peace that passes all understanding.”

The day we met Maggie, she noticed my cross. She told us that day in those first few precious moments of knowing her that she had Jesus in her heart – this beautiful, wounded child had already begun to feel His healing, experience His love and through her loving, compassionate, trusting heart, she has shown us just how powerful this is!

We see how He lifts her up and in the process, we are all lifted!

I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.

John 16:33

Maggie will be an “overcomer”!

It will take time and patience and hard work and love but she will overcome and I suspect that her victory will inspire and enlighten and sometimes convict us but always, always glorify Him and all that He has done within her heart and her spirit.

Last week Maggie wanted to make a card for Jesus

She wanted Him to know how much she loved Him and that He was in her heart!

She asked if she could put it in the collection plate at church...

so we did...

and she was so excited.

It is hard to be around Maggie and not be excited.

He is removing the pain and suffering from her heart and filling it with JOY!

How can we not feel completely and totally blessed to be allowed to witness this transformation first hand!

Do we still have struggles?

Do we still have challenges?

Are some days harder than others?

Yes...

Their needs are great and some days I don't feel great enough to meet those needs but I know things are easier now than they were 7 months ago.

I also know that they will continue to get easier and perhaps more “normal”, although I have long ago given up on the image of “normal” for our family and that's OK...

cause I don't really think I want our family to be what our society considers “normal” anymore.

Thanks to the path the Lord has placed us on...

we are different...

we stand out...

we create a ruckus where ever we go and I am totally cool with that cause I think this world needs a bit more “Holy Ruckus”...

because these kids need us and...

we need them!

My sweet girls have come a long way...

but the learning and the growing and the bonding and the healing continues...

and it is hard...

their stories are hard...

but trusting the Lord to heal their hearts is easy!

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:28

The hurt is real

The loss runs deep

and the pain is always just below the surface...

for all three of our precious daughters from Ch*na.

However, God is real-er and deeper and so much more than “just below the surface”!

So as we trudge through our sweet Maggie's needs, both emotional and physical, and walk this path of healing with her, I am often “brought to my knees” but many times, not just in anguish...

but in awe.

Childlike faith y'all!

Maggie, who is full of frightening, horrendous memories, has it and she knows...

despite it all, she knows that Jesus loves her and boy does she love Him!

 For whatever is born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world—our faith.

1 John 5:4

My Maggie is loved and cherished and safe but so many more are not...

so many more are suffering and scared and alone.

Please pray for these precious ones and maybe even consider that the Lord may be calling you to help a waiting child to be loved and cherished and safe, whether that is through adoption or by financially helping others bring their children home or simply by supporting those who are home.

Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble, and to keep oneself unspotted from the world.

James 1:27

“unspotted from the world”

My girls are not “unspotted from the world” just as I am not and so many others are not...

however, my girls' “spottings” were thrust upon them and mine, like so many others have “spottings” that were chosen.

I don't expect everyone to understand as I did not for so very long...

until I went to China and brought our Lizzie home.

I saw where she had spent the first two years of life and then dealt with the effects of this existence and it started to become more real, this “spotting”.

Little by little I was giving in to the broken-ness that the Lord had begun laying on my heart as a child...

and after bringing Maggie and Lucy home...

seeing where Lucy came from...

and the beginning truth of Maggie's heartbreak...

it is now deeply and painfully clear, the orphans reality and our “spotting”...

and we are learning that to be “unspotted” requires letting go of the expectations of this world.

We have 3 beautiful wonderful daughters who have deep hurts and real pain and it is not how I envisioned my life as I was growing up but I am certain, it is how the Lord envisioned my life and I am certain He will continue to equip us for this life He planned for us and I am certain that His healing will continue to bless us and I am certain that our 3 beautiful wonderful daughters will be restored.

  For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11

My girls now have a hope and a future.

Please consider opening your hearts and looking beyond the expectations of this world.

There are children counting on you.