Caleb Graduates...

So a piece of my heart walked onto a stage just the other day and into the rest of his life and I can't seem to catch my breath as time just races ahead of my heart...

How can it be that 18 years have slipped into a moment cause last I checked you were your older brothers' "project", your little sisters' super hero and my baby boy...

and now we are at that place where holding on meets letting go....

and it does not get any easier...

As his brothers before him, this child will be missed.

His first visit home will be anticipated...

His favorite meal (pizza) will be waiting...

His room will remain until the New Year when little sisters armed with Pottery Barn Teen catalogs and big plans cannot be held back any longer...

His dog will sense his arrival...

(Photo curtesy of Lynn Cobb Studios)

not understanding the separation but in true puppy style, delighting in the moment of his return.

(Photo curtesy of Lynn Cobb Studios)

Come August, my "home soon" texts will carry a more profound and problematic connotation. 

However, I am finding that in the "letting go", there is time to exhale - to trust that the years of lessons and rules and consequences and fun and love and prayer have brought us to a place of expectation and excitement as another part of my heart steps into the rest of his life...

the grip can be loosed as the boy becomes a man and the Lord's path begins to mature.

Warning... 😉 the video is long but full of memories and love...

Congratulations Caleb.

We love you! 

Amazing Will

Will has an awesome trumpet tutor and has been working so hard on a solo for Solo and Ensemble.

His hard work paid off as he received a 28 out of 30 points!

A superior rating!

Tonight, he was able to perform his solo at the High School Band Concert!

He loves to perform and I love to watch him. 

However, I apologize in advance for the shakey video...

I was SO nervous for him!!!

 

The Lord is so good and we are so blessed.

Caleb...

Can I just say something about my "baby boy" who is the "middle child" of 8 siblings, is taller than me and is getting ready to graduate...

Caleb may not win all the awards and he may not get officially recognized for the decent young man he is becoming but let me tell you, he is kind and responsible and mature and he is my quiet helper.

He doesn't seek the spotlight but he does seek truth and justice and peace and order - which is hard to find in this house of crazy

He has not been your typical high schooler and his quiet, reassuring presence will be so missed next year as he begins to seek his purpose.

So while he may not receive much "official recognition", I see him and those who love him see him and the Lord sees him and sees his heart and in Caleb's quiet, unassuming way, he will change this world...

Inspired and Broken

It was two years ago today and I will never forget it. I never doubted her determination but there were times I doubted those legs of hers. She is a fighter and she is strong, so much stronger than I. She teaches me about sheer grit and fortitude and compassion and joy and grace, lots and lots of grace.

It took Lucy a long time to finish this race but she never gave up. If you look in the background, you will see the entourage of police cars and firetrucks that silently followed, cheering her on as she doggedly fought for every single step!

I realized today that there are so many moments that inspire and shatter all at the same time and it is typically after those moments, in the quiet of my solitude that my composure fails and I am broken. I look at this picture and I am filled with awe for Lucy's gift of determination and I am filled with gratitude for so so many who "have her back" and yet I am crushed by the fight and the weight of the challenges and I would not change any of it!

It is in those moments of weakness that the Lord shows me His strength and I am renewed and Lucy is a gift and I am grateful to feel because I - am - feeling!!

One Day...

What a difference a day makes...

For Will, one day made all the difference...

He was one day from aging out...

one day away from life in the "second orphanage"...

There is so much left unsaid...

so much left unwritten...

maybe "one day"...

For now, I just want to share just a small part of the blessings that come from allowing God to work through "yes".

Lord you make beauty from ashes and use the broken and we are forever changed and forever grateful

I Am From...

So Maggie wrote a poem... 

and it was hard and it was good...

and it brought me to my knees.

Organizing her thoughts into understandable words is a struggle.

The effort it takes to transform those words into coherent sentences is considerable.

Taking that effort and twisting it into a poem is extraordinary but I have learned to expect extraordinary and while that extraordinary was celebrated, it is not what brought me to my knees.

What brought me to my knees was the poem that formulated in my heart, the poem that could have been...

I Could Have Been From...

I could have been from where the darkness hangs above me.

I could have been from where the beds are comfortless

and the smell of hopelessness wafts all about.

I could have been from where the green grasses are absent 

and the trees are only for those allowed outside.

I could have been from where the hungry homeless dogs 

overcome fear for food.

I could have been from where laughter dare not exist

and where love slowly fades into survival. 

I could have been from where faith is persecuted 

but Almighty God lives and weeps and moves and grows.

I could have been from where very little is wonderful and learning is not for me.

(Church) Where . are . YOU...

Y'all, this "could have been" for all of our precious children from Ch*na and all we did was say "yes". 

However, we did not rescue them, we are blessed by them as our "could have been" is just as hopeless, it's just a gussied version of hopeless.

It's that version of hopeless that the American church slaps some lipstick on while living their "best life".

Why does abortion continue to be the number one cause of death in this country, year after year?

Why do children wait for foster homes?

Why do foster children simply exist in foster homes never hearing about Jesus?

Why does the cycle of abuse and neglect seem endless?

Why do orphans wait for forever families?

Why do orphans and foster kids age out?

Why are we relying on a system instead of the church?

Why... because we are from where there are beautiful chandeliers and green grasses and plentiful trees and soft sofas and laughter and love and the broken is messy and we are not saying "yes"...

The Jones's

I posted this on FB a few years ago and wanted to include it here. Charlie has since graduated high school and is actually graduating college next year and it is all good. However, now Caleb is getting ready to graduate high school and while my walk with the Lord grows as does my faith and my peace, I still have moments of weakness where the world creeps in and I begin to question.

FB POST FROM  2018...

I don't watch much TV. 

Funny how we have so many channels but so very few shows that I find watchable. H*TV and Fo*od Network are on my short list and Pion*er Woman has always been a fav.  

 She is a Christian, she is a mom and many of her shows revolve around her family as well as her food. Using cheap, easy, short cut ingredients, many of her recipes are doable, even for a Mom of 8!

This morning I happen to see her show. I don't normally watch TV during the day. TV watching usually happens at night, accompanied by a glass of wine and baskets of laundry to fold...

It's the best way to watch TV cause no child will get within 100 yards of baskets of laundry that need folding!!

*grin*

This morning, however, it was raining, forcing my walk indoors on the treadmill (sorry pups), and this morning her show was all about High School Graduation.

 Now because I have a senior getting ready to graduate and I have no idea what we will do to celebrate, I thought this was perfect - meant to be! 

 I set my speed and settled in to watch and as I watched, my heart began to sink...

Being totally real here but this show did nothing except make me feel woefully inadequate as the Mom of a senior and the Mom of a Sophomore in college and the Mom of six more who will all eventually graduate...

God willing😊 

 I know I know...

I write a lot about letting go of the American Dream and embracing our "not so normal" life but sometimes my arms get weary and I loose sight...

I momentarily turn away from what I know the Lord has called me to. 

 It's not always easy, this life of mine.. . 

 Most days have hard but most days are blessed and the days that are most hard are the days that are most blessed.  

Try to explain that!

*grin* 

 This morning, however, I got lost in what we could not do, in what we could not provide and it was ugly y'all.

I was so disappointed in this show. The graduation party she and her friend provided for their daughters was way beyond anything I could do or we could afford. It was so over the top with a live band, a photo booth, a chocolate fountain and food from about 3 different caterers, including herself. 

I felt defeated. 

 I felt less than. 

I felt "not normal".

I allowed s*tan to use it to beat me down. I was left feeling lacking about the small gathering we had at our home for Christian when he graduated and inept for not having any idea what to do for Charlie. 

Now I am not looking for sympathy. I don't blame her for being able to provide such a shindig for her daughter and I am so disappointed in my reaction to this show - just trying to keep it real! 

I know many most Moms have felt this way at one time or another so I know you all get it. 

So as I bring myself back around to where my heart should be... 

I refocus my lens and remember that my identity is in Christ...

not in Martha St*wart or Ree Dru*mand😉