Friday, April 30, 2021

One Day...

What a difference a day makes...

For Will, one day made all the difference...

He was one day from aging out...

one day away from life in the "second orphanage"...

There is so much left unsaid...

so much left unwritten...

maybe "one day"...

For now, I just want to share just a small part of the blessings that come from allowing God to work through "yes".

Lord you make beauty from ashes and use the broken and we are forever changed and forever grateful

Saturday, April 24, 2021

I Am From...

So Maggie wrote a poem... 

and it was hard and it was good...

and it brought me to my knees.

Organizing her thoughts into understandable words is a struggle.

The effort it takes to transform those words into coherent sentences is considerable.

Taking that effort and twisting it into a poem is extraordinary but I have learned to expect extraordinary and while that extraordinary was celebrated, it is not what brought me to my knees.

What brought me to my knees was the poem that formulated in my heart, the poem that could have been...

I Could Have Been From...

I could have been from where the darkness hangs above me.

I could have been from where the beds are comfortless

and the smell of hopelessness wafts all about.

I could have been from where the green grasses are absent 

and the trees are only for those allowed outside.

I could have been from where the hungry homeless dogs 

overcome fear for food.

I could have been from where laughter dare not exist

and where love slowly fades into survival. 

I could have been from where faith is persecuted 

but Almighty God lives and weeps and moves and grows.

I could have been from where very little is wonderful and learning is not for me.

(Church) Where . are . YOU...

Y'all, this "could have been" for all of our precious children from Ch*na and all we did was say "yes". 

However, we did not rescue them, we are blessed by them as our "could have been" is just as hopeless, it's just a gussied version of hopeless.

It's that version of hopeless that the American church slaps some lipstick on while living their "best life".

Why does abortion continue to be the number one cause of death in this country, year after year?

Why do children wait for foster homes?

Why do foster children simply exist in foster homes never hearing about Jesus?

Why does the cycle of abuse and neglect seem endless?

Why do orphans wait for forever families?

Why do orphans and foster kids age out?

Why are we relying on a system instead of the church?

Why... because we are from where there are beautiful chandeliers and green grasses and plentiful trees and soft sofas and laughter and love and the broken is messy and we are not saying "yes"...

Friday, April 9, 2021

The Jones's

I posted this on FB a few years ago and wanted to include it here. Charlie has since graduated high school and is actually graduating college next year and it is all good. However, now Caleb is getting ready to graduate high school and while my walk with the Lord grows as does my faith and my peace, I still have moments of weakness where the world creeps in and I begin to question.

FB POST FROM  2018...

I don't watch much TV. 

Funny how we have so many channels but so very few shows that I find watchable. H*TV and Fo*od Network are on my short list and Pion*er Woman has always been a fav.  

 She is a Christian, she is a mom and many of her shows revolve around her family as well as her food. Using cheap, easy, short cut ingredients, many of her recipes are doable, even for a Mom of 8!

This morning I happen to see her show. I don't normally watch TV during the day. TV watching usually happens at night, accompanied by a glass of wine and baskets of laundry to fold...

It's the best way to watch TV cause no child will get within 100 yards of baskets of laundry that need folding!!


This morning, however, it was raining, forcing my walk indoors on the treadmill (sorry pups), and this morning her show was all about High School Graduation.

 Now because I have a senior getting ready to graduate and I have no idea what we will do to celebrate, I thought this was perfect - meant to be! 

 I set my speed and settled in to watch and as I watched, my heart began to sink...

Being totally real here but this show did nothing except make me feel woefully inadequate as the Mom of a senior and the Mom of a Sophomore in college and the Mom of six more who will all eventually graduate...

God willing😊 

 I know I know...

I write a lot about letting go of the American Dream and embracing our "not so normal" life but sometimes my arms get weary and I loose sight...

I momentarily turn away from what I know the Lord has called me to. 

 It's not always easy, this life of mine.. . 

 Most days have hard but most days are blessed and the days that are most hard are the days that are most blessed.  

Try to explain that!


 This morning, however, I got lost in what we could not do, in what we could not provide and it was ugly y'all.

I was so disappointed in this show. The graduation party she and her friend provided for their daughters was way beyond anything I could do or we could afford. It was so over the top with a live band, a photo booth, a chocolate fountain and food from about 3 different caterers, including herself. 

I felt defeated. 

 I felt less than. 

I felt "not normal".

I allowed s*tan to use it to beat me down. I was left feeling lacking about the small gathering we had at our home for Christian when he graduated and inept for not having any idea what to do for Charlie. 

Now I am not looking for sympathy. I don't blame her for being able to provide such a shindig for her daughter and I am so disappointed in my reaction to this show - just trying to keep it real! 

I know many most Moms have felt this way at one time or another so I know you all get it. 

So as I bring myself back around to where my heart should be... 

I refocus my lens and remember that my identity is in Christ...

not in Martha St*wart or Ree Dru*mand😉