I posted this on FB a few years ago and wanted to include it here. Charlie has since graduated high school and is actually graduating college next year and it is all good. However, now Caleb is getting ready to graduate high school and while my walk with the Lord grows as does my faith and my peace, I still have moments of weakness where the world creeps in and I begin to question.
FB POST FROM 2018...
I don't watch much TV.
Funny how we have so many channels but so very few shows that I find watchable. H*TV and Fo*od Network are on my short list and Pion*er Woman has always been a fav.
She is a Christian, she is a mom and many of her shows revolve around her family as well as her food. Using cheap, easy, short cut ingredients, many of her recipes are doable, even for a Mom of 8!
This morning I happen to see her show. I don't normally watch TV during the day. TV watching usually happens at night, accompanied by a glass of wine and baskets of laundry to fold...
It's the best way to watch TV cause no child will get within 100 yards of baskets of laundry that need folding!!
This morning, however, it was raining, forcing my walk indoors on the treadmill (sorry pups), and this morning her show was all about High School Graduation.
Now because I have a senior getting ready to graduate and I have no idea what we will do to celebrate, I thought this was perfect - meant to be!
I set my speed and settled in to watch and as I watched, my heart began to sink...
Being totally real here but this show did nothing except make me feel woefully inadequate as the Mom of a senior and the Mom of a Sophomore in college and the Mom of six more who will all eventually graduate...
I know I know...
I write a lot about letting go of the American Dream and embracing our "not so normal" life but sometimes my arms get weary and I loose sight...
I momentarily turn away from what I know the Lord has called me to.
It's not always easy, this life of mine.. .
Most days have hard but most days are blessed and the days that are most hard are the days that are most blessed.
Try to explain that!
This morning, however, I got lost in what we could not do, in what we could not provide and it was ugly y'all.
I was so disappointed in this show. The graduation party she and her friend provided for their daughters was way beyond anything I could do or we could afford. It was so over the top with a live band, a photo booth, a chocolate fountain and food from about 3 different caterers, including herself.
I felt defeated.
I felt less than.
I felt "not normal".
I allowed s*tan to use it to beat me down. I was left feeling lacking about the small gathering we had at our home for Christian when he graduated and inept for not having any idea what to do for Charlie.
Now I am not looking for sympathy. I don't blame her for being able to provide such a shindig for her daughter and I am so disappointed in my reaction to this show - just trying to keep it real!
many most Moms have felt this way at one time or another so I know you all get it.
So as I bring myself back around to where my heart should be...
I refocus my lens and remember that my identity is in Christ...
not in Martha St*wart or Ree Dru*mand😉