Sunday, October 10, 2010

Sunday Snapshot -

The girls love to color and to draw. They have made me many, many, many masterpieces and I treasure them all. The other day, they proudly brought me their latest works of art.

Em's was a picture of me!

Apparently I have really long legs and a really big smile! I'll take it!

Lizzie's picture was a picture of me but...

It was a picture of me when Lizzie was in my tummy. Sigh. Sweet baby girl.

We have had the talk before, many times before. Lizzie and I have talked about it and cried about it and with each talk, I pray for just a bit more healing for her...

and me. You see, Lizzie just doesn't understand why she didn't grow in my tummy like her siblings did. Sometimes, the subject comes up because the kids ask to hear about their births.

We have Christian who was laid back, listened so well to the doctor's instructions, was born, looked at me and smiled! I know, I know, it was probably gas - but he smiled!

We have Charlie who told the doctor to take a hike cause I am coming out NOW and then scared the "ho hum" out of us.

We have Caleb who, well, just has a BIG head, a really BIG head, ouch!

We have Emmeline who was so nice to her Momma and even though she decided to show up on the day that Daddy had picked (not that we were betting or anything - heh), she didn't show up in the middle of the night and she was sooooo easy on me and she was a girl! After 3 boys... Nuf said! hehe!

Then we have our little Lizzie and whenever our sweet baby girl's siblings ask to hear about their births, Lizzie wants to hear about hers. It happens every time and every time my heart breaks just a bit more for my littlest one.

I tell her that I don't know what her birth was like but that I would guess that she was an itty bitty little baby and that I know she was cute, so so cute. I gently remind her that she did not grow in my tummy but that she grew in her birth momma's tummy. I tell her that even though she didn't grow in my tummy that she did grow in my heart and that I love her so very much and will love her forever. I then tell her of the day we first held her and she loves to hear that story. She even remembers the song that was playing on the video I made about that day, when her ayi finally placed her in my arms for the first time and while this helps, it doesn't stop the longing and the questions.

Lizzie usually thinks for a moment and then asks the unanswerable question, 'Why?"

To which I answer, "I don't know sweetheart but I do know that I love you and I do know that while I am sad that your birth family could not raise you, I am so very thankful that you are here, with us."

I always ask her if she understands and sometimes she says yes and sometimes she says no and we will continue our talk until she doesn't want to talk anymore.

While I cannot truly understand her loss, I do have a sense of her pain and her desire to have been in my tummy, to have that story, that connection.

I long for her to have grown in my tummy and to have known her as an itty bitty baby but I will never let her forget her birth family and I will always make certain she knows how incredibly grateful I am that they loved her enough to give her life - but that is a conversation for later.

For now, I will kiss her boo boos and praise her accomplishments, her many, many accomplishments, fuss at her when she needs it and tuck her in at night. I will comfort her in the dark and teach her about the Light!

I will always, always answer her questions and let her know that her grief will not affect the love we have for her - ever - that she has a safe haven to explore that grief and that we will be right by her side, because she is our daughter and we love her! I will never ever apologize for adopting her and her loss happened long before we found her, but I will always be there for her to listen and to comfort and to love!

To join in on Stefanie's wonderful Sunday Snapshot, go here,

Ni Hao Y'all


  1. I cringe with those questions too. BUT, Grant is now 7 and can state in a matter of fact way that he was not born in my tummy but someone elses. We still have to reinforce a lot. The other day, Jake said, "Mom, I was born in your tummy!" and I had to tell him that he was not. UGH! One of the icky parts of adoption for our children.

  2. I think girls are sometimes more sensitive to things like that maybe? I remember Colt asking those questions some, but he didn't repeat it. I think if it had been would be different. She's all about "tell me stories about when you were a little girl" and stuff like that. I guess we'll see with Luke. It hurts to not be able to give them the answer they WANT to hear, but yet we know how much we want to take away all insecurities and pain they have and for them to just know that we LOVE them now and will forever! I think you handle it well, Annie! Lizzie is a special little girl and so wise already!

    Have a great week!

  3. Hugs and love to you and Lizzie as you walk this road together. You taking the time to love on her reminds me of the words to my very favorite Third Day song ~ I can't stop the rain. If you don't know it, go find it and download it! It is one of the most beautiful songs ever and while it wasn't written about adoption, it so can be the story of a forever parent loving their child through the grief and loss that is bound to come!

  4. Being adopted myself, this post stirs up emotions within me.
    I know that every child that is adopted handles these emotions differently.
    But, for me, I feel that I have overcome the look like my family know my birth know if I have siblings somewhere out there...etc...
    Keep up the good work! Communication is key!
    And, by the way, you have some precious kiddos!

  5. Being adopted myself and the mother of three adopted children I so understand both sides of this. Hugs to you and that sweet Lizzie.

    Sweet blessings,

  6. Thank you for sharing this bit of your story. It's a bit similar to ours here and it's always good to hear how others are handling such a sensitive subject.

  7. What a sweet little girl you have. I will be honest in saying I haven't talked about adoption with my two little ones (adopted from Guatemala) so I love reading how others are handling it.

    Thanks for sharing!

  8. It is so hard to see our little ones hurting. I've talked to the girls openly about their adoptions from day one. The most impt thing I feel is open make it very natural for everyone and not something that is difficult to talk about. My youngest asks lots and lots of questions(what's my birth mom's name...what did she look like...will I ever see her) and my other daughter from China asks nothing. But I still talk to her as well, because I know she is processing all of it, just differently.

  9. Annie - BEAUTIFUL post...BEAUTIFUL!!! Kaylin has also recently been asking too...seems like a developmental thing at this age....and we have similar talks, so I do understand the longing to just wish she had been birthed by me.

    Thank you, too, for sharing about our giveaway and giving yourself! You're a sweet blessing, my friend. :)

  10. Annie, this post is beautiful, yet hard to read as well. Sometimes explaining that they were grown in our hearts is not enough.

    Our adopted son Daniel doesn't seem to mind that he didn't grow in my belly, but he does seem to grieve the lost years of his childhood--8 years without Christmas and birthdays, barely enough food, very few toys, and no family. One day he was looking at old family photos and asked how old he was when that photo was taken. I told him he was probably about two and his "oh" and nothing else spoke volumes. I knew he wished he had been part of those happy times. While we grieve with him on the time we lost, we try to focus on the blessings that God is giving us now.

    May God continue to heal your Lizzie's heart.

    Much Love,