Monday, August 30, 2010

A Box of Mints

Yep, a box of mints,

Apparently that is all it takes to cure my sweet Lizzie of the, "I don't want to go to school - I want to stay home with Momma" blues!!! 

Sigh, I am worth nothing more than a measly mint???  Hehe!  I'll take it!

Seriously though, I knew this was going to be hard.  I knew Lizzie would not understand why her sister gets to stay home with Momma and she has to go to school - every day!  How do you explain to a 4 year old that she has to go to school because she still needs speech therapy and occupational therapy and that her brother's school offers that for her - and that her sister doesn't go because she doesn't need all that stuff???

The funny thing is, this time with Em has really helped to get Em over whatever she was working through for well, most of the summer.  The time that Emmeline gets to spend with me in the mornings seems to have renewed her relationship with her sister.  However, Lizzie would beg to differ! 

Sweet Lizzie has worked so hard to feel confident in our love for her.  The bonding that occurred so quickly and so seemingly instantly was real but she has not yet been able to overcome the fear that one day I might be gone - too.  I know that she is 4 and that many 4 year olds go through the clingy, I want mommie stage and some days it is hard to separate the "normal" 4 year old angst from the "abandonment" 4 year old Lizzie angst, but mostly, this is different.  It is primal and it is at the core of her being. 

She knows that we love her and she knows that she is never going to leave us but deep down inside herself in a place where she looses all reason,  I am afraid that she fears we (mainly I) will leave her and that breaks my heart. 

We talk about China a lot.  We also talk about her birth parents.  Sometimes she is curious, other times she definitely is not.  She still wonders why she didn't grow inside my tummy and doesn't seem to be ready to recognize it and ask questions about it, about the tummy she did grow inside.  She can tell me that she didn't grow in my tummy but that she grew in my heart but she is just not ready to make her birth parents a part of her reality by asking questions about them - yet. 

So my Lizzie is sometimes a little bit clingy and sometimes a little bit fearful and really doesn't like me to be too far away from her for too long.  Some days, I cannot even go to the bathroom without my girl at the very least wondering where I am and many times she is parked right outside the bathroom door waiting for my return. 

It can be exhausting some days but I try to remind myself of her heart and that piece of it that I will never be able to repair. 

I know that this is what Em has been reacting to and I know this time apart for them has been good but I also know that being away from me has been hard for Lizzie, so if an Ice Breakers Mint makes it easier for my brave little girl to get out of my car and walk away from me, then so be it! 

Maybe I should stock up for when Lizzie is a teenager!!!  Hey, a momma can dream, can't she???


  1. I say, if a mint works.........use it!

  2. Ditto Heather! And can I mention? Your Lizzie is simply beautiful.

  3. These transition days are so very hard... if a mint works, go for it! I'd say you are a clever momma.

  4. In our house an M&M goes a long way...
    And I so relate to the separation anxiety being "primal and it is at the core of her being." My oldest ~ with us for over 3 1/2 years now is still that way. My other two, not so much. I may never know what the difference is, but it IS there.